A User's Guide to Zombie Movies
What the hell is ZombieTastic?
To put it succinctly, ZombieTastic is a site about zombie movies, created by zombies, for
zombies. Wait, scratch that--I'm not a zombie, and I hope you're not either (but if you are,
congratulations on surfing the Internet--considering that zombies typically spend their free
time shambling about feasting upon the flesh of the living, it's laudable that you've chosen
to spend your free time trolling the information superhighway, even if you logged on looking
for porn, which I suspect that you did.) Where was I? Oh yeah, I was talking about
ZombieTastic. The idea is simple: time is money, and we all have things to do. Well, most
of us have things to do...some of us have enough free time to create sites about the
undead. Regardless, the point is that there are a lot of zombie movies out there, and more
and more are produced every year. How is one supposed to know which zombie movies to
watch, and which to avoid like, ironically, a horde of the living dead? ZombieTastic, that's
how!
I have conducted hundreds of hours of exhaustive (and exhuasting) research, and utilizing a
scoring system not unlike that of the Olympics (but with more flesh eating), I've developed a
"scientific" method by which I can determine which zombie movies deserve to be called
ZombieTastic and viewed with repeated pleasure, and which zombie movies are better left
buried in the graveyard. Every so often, I post a profile of a different zombie film, and assign
it a score based upon a variety of categories (you can learn more about the scoring system
here). The end result: if a film scores more than 100 points, you, the viewer can watch it
flush with the knowledge that it's worth watching, i.e. it sucks less than some other zombie
movie that you could be viewing; and, if the film scores fewer than 65 points, you'd probably
be better off committing suicide than watching said film. I hesitate to call myself a
humanitarian, but let's face it: no one else on the internet has your zombie-watching-back
like I do.
Speaking of being a humanitarian, let me say one thing up front: sometimes these
reviews/ratings contain SPOILERS. While every effort is made to refrain from giving away
key plot elements, this site is about the TRUTH, and as such sometimes spoilers must be
mentioned during a given category's point justification. It's the nature of the beast. So just
be aware, if you read a review capsule and find out something about a film that you didn't
want to know, no one's really to blame. Well, except perhaps for the communists, but that's
really another topic for another web site.
Anyways, I hope you enjoy ZomebieTastic, and if you have any comments, suggestions, or
reanimation techniques, please send them my way.
Yours,
Humberto X. McTaggert
ZombieTastic General Manager
Certified Zombieologist, LLP
To put it succinctly, ZombieTastic is a site about zombie movies, created by zombies, for
zombies. Wait, scratch that--I'm not a zombie, and I hope you're not either (but if you are,
congratulations on surfing the Internet--considering that zombies typically spend their free
time shambling about feasting upon the flesh of the living, it's laudable that you've chosen
to spend your free time trolling the information superhighway, even if you logged on looking
for porn, which I suspect that you did.) Where was I? Oh yeah, I was talking about
ZombieTastic. The idea is simple: time is money, and we all have things to do. Well, most
of us have things to do...some of us have enough free time to create sites about the
undead. Regardless, the point is that there are a lot of zombie movies out there, and more
and more are produced every year. How is one supposed to know which zombie movies to
watch, and which to avoid like, ironically, a horde of the living dead? ZombieTastic, that's
how!
I have conducted hundreds of hours of exhaustive (and exhuasting) research, and utilizing a
scoring system not unlike that of the Olympics (but with more flesh eating), I've developed a
"scientific" method by which I can determine which zombie movies deserve to be called
ZombieTastic and viewed with repeated pleasure, and which zombie movies are better left
buried in the graveyard. Every so often, I post a profile of a different zombie film, and assign
it a score based upon a variety of categories (you can learn more about the scoring system
here). The end result: if a film scores more than 100 points, you, the viewer can watch it
flush with the knowledge that it's worth watching, i.e. it sucks less than some other zombie
movie that you could be viewing; and, if the film scores fewer than 65 points, you'd probably
be better off committing suicide than watching said film. I hesitate to call myself a
humanitarian, but let's face it: no one else on the internet has your zombie-watching-back
like I do.
Speaking of being a humanitarian, let me say one thing up front: sometimes these
reviews/ratings contain SPOILERS. While every effort is made to refrain from giving away
key plot elements, this site is about the TRUTH, and as such sometimes spoilers must be
mentioned during a given category's point justification. It's the nature of the beast. So just
be aware, if you read a review capsule and find out something about a film that you didn't
want to know, no one's really to blame. Well, except perhaps for the communists, but that's
really another topic for another web site.
Anyways, I hope you enjoy ZomebieTastic, and if you have any comments, suggestions, or
reanimation techniques, please send them my way.
Yours,
Humberto X. McTaggert
ZombieTastic General Manager
Certified Zombieologist, LLP
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