The ZombieTastic Review of:
Dead Alive
Dead Alive
Director: Peter Jackson
Year of Release: 1992
Country of Origin: New Zealand
Type of Zombie Film: Slapstick, Gore-Fest
Also Known as: Braindead
Part of a series?: No
The Scoring
Plot: The plot of Dead Alive is rather straightforward: a rat monkey is captured from Skull
Island and installed in a zoo in New Zealand. Said monkey eventually bites one Vera
Cosgrove, and this results in her turning into a zombie and tormenting her son Lionel and
his would-be girlfriend Paquita. Further zombie hijinks ensue when she begins turning
other people into zombies. Wham, bam, thank you ma'am.
Score: 3
Exposition: As we all know, nothing turns a zombie movie into excruciating excrement quite
like excessive exposition does (see: Zombi Holocaust for an example of this). One of the
virtues of Dead Alive is that there really isn't any exposition to speak of. The film starts on
Skull Island with a zoo worker trying to procure a rat monkey. The local natives are
incensed, the zoo worker's hired hand warns him that the monkey is evil, the zoo worker is
killed, the monkey is taken away, let the games begin. So, evil monkey bites =
zombiefication. Works for me.
Score: 5
Plausibility: I'm giving this a score right down the middle for one very simple reason: while it
could seem silly that (a) a monkey bite could cause zombification and (2) one could have a
bunch of zombies in one's house without anyone noticing the smell, I have to say that (1) I
don't know anyone who's ever been bitten by a monkey, and (b) I've never had a bunch of
zombies in my house, so I don't know how bad a pack of the living dead can funkify the
average suburban home. In other words, I'm relatively confused about the implausibility and
the plausibility of the plot, so I'm scoring this bitch right down the middle.
Score: 3
Production Value: The production value isn't great, but it certainly isn't bad, and definitely
better than that of your average zombie film. I can't articulate why I feel this way, but I got the
distinct impression while watching Dead Alive that Peter Jackson et al skimped a little on
costumes and sets so that they'd have more money for fake blood and severed limbs. I'm
not saying that's not cool, I'm just saying that that's the impression that I got while watching
the film. Again, I have no evidence to really back this up. I seem to have sort of rambled on
a bit here. What were we talking about? Oh yeah, zombies. Let's move on, shall we?
Score: 3
Special Effects: Hey, remember way back when I said that it looked like Peter Jackson and
company skimped on some facets of the production so that they'd have more money for
effects? If that was true, it definitely showed. Very impressive dismemberments, graphic
flesh eating, an absurd rat monkey puppet that somehow works despite its ridiculous
appearance...what more could you want?
Score: 4
Makeup: The zombie makeup in Dead Alive is nothing to write home about--there's nothing
wrong with it, it's just the standard 'living dead' makeup job featured in approximately 99%
of all zombie movies. Although, perhaps we shouldn't take that for granted. I for one had
become so used to the standard zombie makeup job that when I watched a recent "straight
to video" zombie movie (which shall remain nameless) that couldn't afford said standard
makeup, I almost vomited with rage at the half-assed "zombies" it was trying to foist upon
the viewing public. Actually, half-assed is giving this film too much credit--let's say quarter
assed. I mean, white face paint and a limp do not a zombie make, you know? Is it just me,
or does nobody have any standards anymore? It's just me? Never mind, then. I guess this
whole zombie makeup thing illustrates what those glam metal superstars Cinderella were
singing about way back when: you don't know what you got 'til it's gone.
Score: 3
Scariness: Speaking of glam metal, we now come to the scariness category. While Dead
Alive has many things to recommend it, the thrills and chills associated with your average
fright-fest aren't on that list. But, I don't think the film was really going for scares, so I guess
that's ok.
Score: 1
Goriness: This is possibly the goriest film that I've ever seen, which is astounding when you
consider that I've watched Re-Animator and Jersey Girl. During the second half of film,
there's more blood than there is not blood, if that makes any sense (and let's hope it does,
because I'm not retyping this sentence.) Anyways, in addition to giving the film credit for the
sheer volume of blood and chum that it unleashes, I also have to commend it for its
utilization of gore--it always seems well placed, essential, and not "forced", even when
Lionel Cosgrove, the main character, is hacking his way through legions of zombies in his
mother's foyer with a running lawnmower.
Score: 5
Final Scene: Dead Alive loses marks during its closing, when Lionel's mother bafflingly
turns into some sort of giant rubber version of the very monkey that originally bit her. This
didn't make a whole lot of sense to me, but then again I wasn't exactly sober by that point in
the film. What's worse was that the aforementioned giant monkey bore a resemblance to
the giant dog from the end of the 1991 film The Boneyard, and that sucked for the simple
reason that the last thing that I need to be doing during a zombie movie is thinking about
Phyllis Diller, you know? If you haven't seen The Boneyard then you have no idea what the
hell I'm talking about, so I think I'll just cut my losses and move on to the next category.
Score: 2
Comedy: The film definitely scores some points on the comedy front, as it treats the viewer
to a variety of hilariously hilarious gags, including a sometimes rubber/sometimes midget
baby zombie (more on that later), a priest well skilled in the Kung Fu arts, a severed zombie
head being kicked around like a soccer ball with glasses, and enough groin shots to make
Homer Simpson proud. Additionally, it features a 'zombies trying to eat in a dining room'
scene which itself is worth the price of admission. I mean, Dead Alive is no Deuce
Bigalow, but it definitely has its comedic moments.
Score: 4
Originality: In some ways this is a hard category to score. On the one hand, there are a
number of "by the book" things in Dead Alive. On other hand, the film was set in New
Zealand, and aside from this movie, I've never seen the undead do their thing down under
(please note: nothing sexual was intended by the preceding statement). In other words, I'm
just going to score this thing down the middle.
Score: 3
Rewatchability: The rewatchability level of this film seems rather high. Not only is it
entertaining enough to want to see again, but during the slaughter in the house, there are a
number of decapitations and mutilations that you might miss the first time around. You
know, if you're into that sort of thing.
Score: 4
Datedness: Something working in Dead Alive's favor is that it's set in the 1950's, which
means that it feels as if it could have been made at any point during the last 25 or so years;
i.e., it doesn't have the musty stench of "pop culture flavor of the month" clinging to it.
Nothing kills a zombie movie quicker than a cameo by Rick Astley or the eruption of a New
Kids song during a love scene. You know I'm right about this.
Score: 5
Soundtrack: Then again, perhaps Dead Alive could have used some New Kids tunes. I
mean, there was nothing overly memorable about the score, but there definitely would have
been if it had featured Hangin' Tough during the climactic battle scene.
Score: 1
Breast Factor/Nudity: Dead Alive features no nudity whatsoever. None. There's nary a
breast to be seen. I hate to sound like a pig, but I have to say it: COME ON. I'm not asking
for much, here. This gripe aside, one must admit that it says a lot for a zombie movie when
it can hold your attention without showing you any tittie, right? RIGHT?
Score: 2
Lead Actor: Timothy Balme, playing Lionel Cosgrove. On the plus side, it's no easy task for
an actor to be a bumbling twit for much of a movie, only to suddenly and believably
transmogrify into an ass-kicking zombie killer, but Mr. Balme somehow pulls it off. On the
minus side, I thought that Timothy Balme bore a resemblance to Anthony Perkins, and what
with his creepy relationship with his mother in the film, I kept thinking of Norman Bates (this
might have been intentional, I'm not sure.) The point is that this was sometimes
distracting, because I found myself sometimes wondering if Lionel was going to snap and
kill someone in the shower. Let me state the obvious: when there's a horde of the living
dead running around, that's the last thing the hero in a zombie movie needs to be doing.
Score: 4
Sidekick(s)/Love Interest: Diana Peñalver, playing Paquita Maria Sanchez. Peñalver does
a serviceable job as the plucky sidekick to Lionel, even if her haircut does make her look
like a poodle. Sidenote: Diana Peñalver also played a character named Paquita in a 1986
film named El Año de las luces, which was also known as The Year of Awakening, which
was also known as Year of Enlightenment, and she played a character named Paqui in a
movie called Fotos. So, if you're keeping score at home, that's three movies, six titles, two
Paquitas, and one Paqui. Interesting, eh? I thought it was.
Score: 4
Overall Cast: One of the film's strengths is that most of the actors involved play their
characters note-perfect, from the gang of greasers who are zombified in a graveyard, to the
upper crust snob he enjoys his bloody custard. And whoever played the baby zombie did
an awesome job (it was easily the best instance of baby acting I've seen since I last
watched Three Men and a Baby).
Score: 5
Token Scientist: I don't remember there being any scientists in the film. What the shit?
Score: 1
Token Fat Guy: Ian Watkin as Uncle Les. Watkin is outstanding as creepy Uncle Les
(which, in my opinion, should have been his character's full name.) Not only does he have
awesome hair, but he delivers the film's second-best line when he overhears two zombies
having sex: "That's someone doing the business!"
Score: 5
Best Line: Speaking of awesome lines, there's no need me for me to wax critical on this
one, all I need to do is print the comment that Father McGruder makes while karate
chopping some zombies back to hell: "I kick ass for the Lord!" Glorious.
Score: 5
Intangibles: I'm giving Dead Alive a perfect score on this one, because it features a variety
of elements that are downright bizarre, even for a zombie movie, and yet the sum of the film
is greater than its parts. I'm sure there's some joke I could make out of this involving
zombies and body parts, but I'm not clever enough to think of it. Drag.
Score: 5
Zombie Believability: I'll be blunt: I never felt that the zombies were real, but I also never felt
that they were not not real, either. Yes.
Score: 3
Zombie Attack Scenes: Dead Alive truly excels with its zombie attack scenes. For one
thing, a good job is done mixing up said scenes: much like a great pornography movie, you
have a wide variety of one-on-one scenes, group scenes, and one-on-one scenes that turn
into group scenes due to the zombification of certain participants (which I guess isn't like a
great porn movie after all). Furthermore, care is taken to make sure that those fighting
against the zombies use tactics aside from routine "hack and slash" maneuvers.
Sometimes people simply flee, other times they use karate, other times they push the
zombies down stairs, and still other times they punch holes into zombie heads with light
bulbs, illuminating the zombie's entire skull in the process. In a word: SWEET.
Score: 5
Zombie "Orgy" Scenes: I can't describe how endless and endlessly awesome the main
zombie orgy scene is in this film. Not only does it last for an extended period of time, but
every time you think the scene has exhausted its possibilities, the ante is upped in clever,
original, and cleverly original ways. Whatever that means.
Score: 5
Anti-Zombie Weaponry: Aside from your normal zombie-killing implements, as mentioned,
Dead Alive features an extended session of zombies being minced to pulp by a
shoulder-mounted lawnmower. This was, in my opinion, the best use of a lawnmower ever
captured on the silver screen--it was way better than the lawnmower scenes in that movie
The Lawnmower Man. Seriously.
Score: 5
Zombification Explanation: As stated earlier, the bite of the rat monkey from Skull Island
caused the zombification to occur in this movie. If you ask me, animal bites are the most
under-utilized of zombie explanations, and a welcome change of pace. Enough with
radiation and viruses, already.
Score: 4
Zombie "Uniqueness": This movie features zombies having sex with each other, which
was something that I had never seen before, which is baffling, because my library of
pornographic videos is quite comprehensive. Anyways, the zombie intercourse leads to a
zombie "baby" being born. Said baby, much like a real baby, laughs, cries, taunts adults,
and feasts upon the flesh of the living. While there have been other attempts at pulling off
the "zombie baby" idea, I believe that this is the earliest such attempt, which earns it bonus
points.
Score: 4
Zombie Consistency: A nice job is done of making sure the zombies all reasonably look
and act like one another. Still, a point must be subtracted for the whole "zombie turning into
a giant rubber monkey" thing that I was talking about earlier.
Score: 4
Signature Zombie: The signature zombie in Dead Alive is Lionel's mother. She's enjoyable
for much of the film, but the aforementioned transformation into a giant rubber
monkey-thing definitely took some of the wind out of her undead sails. Too bad.
Score: 3
Total Points: 110
Verdict: Definitely worth watching, and almost, but not quite, ZombieTastic.
So, what have we learned? Simply this: nothing keeps a very good movie from being
essential quite like a giant, rubber monkey. You read it here first.
Next Time: Let Sleeping Corpses Lie
Year of Release: 1992
Country of Origin: New Zealand
Type of Zombie Film: Slapstick, Gore-Fest
Also Known as: Braindead
Part of a series?: No
The Scoring
Plot: The plot of Dead Alive is rather straightforward: a rat monkey is captured from Skull
Island and installed in a zoo in New Zealand. Said monkey eventually bites one Vera
Cosgrove, and this results in her turning into a zombie and tormenting her son Lionel and
his would-be girlfriend Paquita. Further zombie hijinks ensue when she begins turning
other people into zombies. Wham, bam, thank you ma'am.
Score: 3
Exposition: As we all know, nothing turns a zombie movie into excruciating excrement quite
like excessive exposition does (see: Zombi Holocaust for an example of this). One of the
virtues of Dead Alive is that there really isn't any exposition to speak of. The film starts on
Skull Island with a zoo worker trying to procure a rat monkey. The local natives are
incensed, the zoo worker's hired hand warns him that the monkey is evil, the zoo worker is
killed, the monkey is taken away, let the games begin. So, evil monkey bites =
zombiefication. Works for me.
Score: 5
Plausibility: I'm giving this a score right down the middle for one very simple reason: while it
could seem silly that (a) a monkey bite could cause zombification and (2) one could have a
bunch of zombies in one's house without anyone noticing the smell, I have to say that (1) I
don't know anyone who's ever been bitten by a monkey, and (b) I've never had a bunch of
zombies in my house, so I don't know how bad a pack of the living dead can funkify the
average suburban home. In other words, I'm relatively confused about the implausibility and
the plausibility of the plot, so I'm scoring this bitch right down the middle.
Score: 3
Production Value: The production value isn't great, but it certainly isn't bad, and definitely
better than that of your average zombie film. I can't articulate why I feel this way, but I got the
distinct impression while watching Dead Alive that Peter Jackson et al skimped a little on
costumes and sets so that they'd have more money for fake blood and severed limbs. I'm
not saying that's not cool, I'm just saying that that's the impression that I got while watching
the film. Again, I have no evidence to really back this up. I seem to have sort of rambled on
a bit here. What were we talking about? Oh yeah, zombies. Let's move on, shall we?
Score: 3
Special Effects: Hey, remember way back when I said that it looked like Peter Jackson and
company skimped on some facets of the production so that they'd have more money for
effects? If that was true, it definitely showed. Very impressive dismemberments, graphic
flesh eating, an absurd rat monkey puppet that somehow works despite its ridiculous
appearance...what more could you want?
Score: 4
Makeup: The zombie makeup in Dead Alive is nothing to write home about--there's nothing
wrong with it, it's just the standard 'living dead' makeup job featured in approximately 99%
of all zombie movies. Although, perhaps we shouldn't take that for granted. I for one had
become so used to the standard zombie makeup job that when I watched a recent "straight
to video" zombie movie (which shall remain nameless) that couldn't afford said standard
makeup, I almost vomited with rage at the half-assed "zombies" it was trying to foist upon
the viewing public. Actually, half-assed is giving this film too much credit--let's say quarter
assed. I mean, white face paint and a limp do not a zombie make, you know? Is it just me,
or does nobody have any standards anymore? It's just me? Never mind, then. I guess this
whole zombie makeup thing illustrates what those glam metal superstars Cinderella were
singing about way back when: you don't know what you got 'til it's gone.
Score: 3
Scariness: Speaking of glam metal, we now come to the scariness category. While Dead
Alive has many things to recommend it, the thrills and chills associated with your average
fright-fest aren't on that list. But, I don't think the film was really going for scares, so I guess
that's ok.
Score: 1
Goriness: This is possibly the goriest film that I've ever seen, which is astounding when you
consider that I've watched Re-Animator and Jersey Girl. During the second half of film,
there's more blood than there is not blood, if that makes any sense (and let's hope it does,
because I'm not retyping this sentence.) Anyways, in addition to giving the film credit for the
sheer volume of blood and chum that it unleashes, I also have to commend it for its
utilization of gore--it always seems well placed, essential, and not "forced", even when
Lionel Cosgrove, the main character, is hacking his way through legions of zombies in his
mother's foyer with a running lawnmower.
Score: 5
Final Scene: Dead Alive loses marks during its closing, when Lionel's mother bafflingly
turns into some sort of giant rubber version of the very monkey that originally bit her. This
didn't make a whole lot of sense to me, but then again I wasn't exactly sober by that point in
the film. What's worse was that the aforementioned giant monkey bore a resemblance to
the giant dog from the end of the 1991 film The Boneyard, and that sucked for the simple
reason that the last thing that I need to be doing during a zombie movie is thinking about
Phyllis Diller, you know? If you haven't seen The Boneyard then you have no idea what the
hell I'm talking about, so I think I'll just cut my losses and move on to the next category.
Score: 2
Comedy: The film definitely scores some points on the comedy front, as it treats the viewer
to a variety of hilariously hilarious gags, including a sometimes rubber/sometimes midget
baby zombie (more on that later), a priest well skilled in the Kung Fu arts, a severed zombie
head being kicked around like a soccer ball with glasses, and enough groin shots to make
Homer Simpson proud. Additionally, it features a 'zombies trying to eat in a dining room'
scene which itself is worth the price of admission. I mean, Dead Alive is no Deuce
Bigalow, but it definitely has its comedic moments.
Score: 4
Originality: In some ways this is a hard category to score. On the one hand, there are a
number of "by the book" things in Dead Alive. On other hand, the film was set in New
Zealand, and aside from this movie, I've never seen the undead do their thing down under
(please note: nothing sexual was intended by the preceding statement). In other words, I'm
just going to score this thing down the middle.
Score: 3
Rewatchability: The rewatchability level of this film seems rather high. Not only is it
entertaining enough to want to see again, but during the slaughter in the house, there are a
number of decapitations and mutilations that you might miss the first time around. You
know, if you're into that sort of thing.
Score: 4
Datedness: Something working in Dead Alive's favor is that it's set in the 1950's, which
means that it feels as if it could have been made at any point during the last 25 or so years;
i.e., it doesn't have the musty stench of "pop culture flavor of the month" clinging to it.
Nothing kills a zombie movie quicker than a cameo by Rick Astley or the eruption of a New
Kids song during a love scene. You know I'm right about this.
Score: 5
Soundtrack: Then again, perhaps Dead Alive could have used some New Kids tunes. I
mean, there was nothing overly memorable about the score, but there definitely would have
been if it had featured Hangin' Tough during the climactic battle scene.
Score: 1
Breast Factor/Nudity: Dead Alive features no nudity whatsoever. None. There's nary a
breast to be seen. I hate to sound like a pig, but I have to say it: COME ON. I'm not asking
for much, here. This gripe aside, one must admit that it says a lot for a zombie movie when
it can hold your attention without showing you any tittie, right? RIGHT?
Score: 2
Lead Actor: Timothy Balme, playing Lionel Cosgrove. On the plus side, it's no easy task for
an actor to be a bumbling twit for much of a movie, only to suddenly and believably
transmogrify into an ass-kicking zombie killer, but Mr. Balme somehow pulls it off. On the
minus side, I thought that Timothy Balme bore a resemblance to Anthony Perkins, and what
with his creepy relationship with his mother in the film, I kept thinking of Norman Bates (this
might have been intentional, I'm not sure.) The point is that this was sometimes
distracting, because I found myself sometimes wondering if Lionel was going to snap and
kill someone in the shower. Let me state the obvious: when there's a horde of the living
dead running around, that's the last thing the hero in a zombie movie needs to be doing.
Score: 4
Sidekick(s)/Love Interest: Diana Peñalver, playing Paquita Maria Sanchez. Peñalver does
a serviceable job as the plucky sidekick to Lionel, even if her haircut does make her look
like a poodle. Sidenote: Diana Peñalver also played a character named Paquita in a 1986
film named El Año de las luces, which was also known as The Year of Awakening, which
was also known as Year of Enlightenment, and she played a character named Paqui in a
movie called Fotos. So, if you're keeping score at home, that's three movies, six titles, two
Paquitas, and one Paqui. Interesting, eh? I thought it was.
Score: 4
Overall Cast: One of the film's strengths is that most of the actors involved play their
characters note-perfect, from the gang of greasers who are zombified in a graveyard, to the
upper crust snob he enjoys his bloody custard. And whoever played the baby zombie did
an awesome job (it was easily the best instance of baby acting I've seen since I last
watched Three Men and a Baby).
Score: 5
Token Scientist: I don't remember there being any scientists in the film. What the shit?
Score: 1
Token Fat Guy: Ian Watkin as Uncle Les. Watkin is outstanding as creepy Uncle Les
(which, in my opinion, should have been his character's full name.) Not only does he have
awesome hair, but he delivers the film's second-best line when he overhears two zombies
having sex: "That's someone doing the business!"
Score: 5
Best Line: Speaking of awesome lines, there's no need me for me to wax critical on this
one, all I need to do is print the comment that Father McGruder makes while karate
chopping some zombies back to hell: "I kick ass for the Lord!" Glorious.
Score: 5
Intangibles: I'm giving Dead Alive a perfect score on this one, because it features a variety
of elements that are downright bizarre, even for a zombie movie, and yet the sum of the film
is greater than its parts. I'm sure there's some joke I could make out of this involving
zombies and body parts, but I'm not clever enough to think of it. Drag.
Score: 5
Zombie Believability: I'll be blunt: I never felt that the zombies were real, but I also never felt
that they were not not real, either. Yes.
Score: 3
Zombie Attack Scenes: Dead Alive truly excels with its zombie attack scenes. For one
thing, a good job is done mixing up said scenes: much like a great pornography movie, you
have a wide variety of one-on-one scenes, group scenes, and one-on-one scenes that turn
into group scenes due to the zombification of certain participants (which I guess isn't like a
great porn movie after all). Furthermore, care is taken to make sure that those fighting
against the zombies use tactics aside from routine "hack and slash" maneuvers.
Sometimes people simply flee, other times they use karate, other times they push the
zombies down stairs, and still other times they punch holes into zombie heads with light
bulbs, illuminating the zombie's entire skull in the process. In a word: SWEET.
Score: 5
Zombie "Orgy" Scenes: I can't describe how endless and endlessly awesome the main
zombie orgy scene is in this film. Not only does it last for an extended period of time, but
every time you think the scene has exhausted its possibilities, the ante is upped in clever,
original, and cleverly original ways. Whatever that means.
Score: 5
Anti-Zombie Weaponry: Aside from your normal zombie-killing implements, as mentioned,
Dead Alive features an extended session of zombies being minced to pulp by a
shoulder-mounted lawnmower. This was, in my opinion, the best use of a lawnmower ever
captured on the silver screen--it was way better than the lawnmower scenes in that movie
The Lawnmower Man. Seriously.
Score: 5
Zombification Explanation: As stated earlier, the bite of the rat monkey from Skull Island
caused the zombification to occur in this movie. If you ask me, animal bites are the most
under-utilized of zombie explanations, and a welcome change of pace. Enough with
radiation and viruses, already.
Score: 4
Zombie "Uniqueness": This movie features zombies having sex with each other, which
was something that I had never seen before, which is baffling, because my library of
pornographic videos is quite comprehensive. Anyways, the zombie intercourse leads to a
zombie "baby" being born. Said baby, much like a real baby, laughs, cries, taunts adults,
and feasts upon the flesh of the living. While there have been other attempts at pulling off
the "zombie baby" idea, I believe that this is the earliest such attempt, which earns it bonus
points.
Score: 4
Zombie Consistency: A nice job is done of making sure the zombies all reasonably look
and act like one another. Still, a point must be subtracted for the whole "zombie turning into
a giant rubber monkey" thing that I was talking about earlier.
Score: 4
Signature Zombie: The signature zombie in Dead Alive is Lionel's mother. She's enjoyable
for much of the film, but the aforementioned transformation into a giant rubber
monkey-thing definitely took some of the wind out of her undead sails. Too bad.
Score: 3
Total Points: 110
Verdict: Definitely worth watching, and almost, but not quite, ZombieTastic.
So, what have we learned? Simply this: nothing keeps a very good movie from being
essential quite like a giant, rubber monkey. You read it here first.
Next Time: Let Sleeping Corpses Lie
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