The ZombieTastic Review of:
Night of the Living Dead (remake)
Night of the Living Dead (remake)
Director: Tom Savini
Year of Release: 1990
Country of Origin: USA
Type of Zombie Film: Zombie Siege
Also Known as: N/A
Part of a series?: Sort of--this film is a remake of the 1968 version
of Night of the Living Dead, and is also being remade as Night of
the Living Dead 3D (2006).
The Scoring
Plot: A woman and her brother go to a graveyard to visit their mother's grave. While doing
so, a zombie attacks them, killing the brother. The woman flees to a nearby farmhouse
where she holes up with several strangers, and they yell at each other a bunch as they try to
fight off an attacking horde of hungry zombies. Pretty standard stuff, really.
Score: 3
Exposition: In the original version of Night of the Living Dead, there was a great amount of
tension between the characters of Ben and Harry Cooper as they, in addition to the living
dead, battled each other. This tension was one of the driving forces of the film, and greatly
contributed to the overall feelings of tension that it instilled in the viewer. (I know that I'm
supposed to be talking about exposition scenes in the film, and I'm getting to that--just hold
your horses). Sadly, the remake of Night of the Living Dead, while trying to recreate this
tension and elucidate the crisis facing the characters, ends up dumping an avalanche of
worthless dialogue on the viewer. The point is this: the film features discussion after
argument after discussion about whether or not everyone should (a) go into the cellar of the
house that the characters are hiding in (Harry's idea), or (b) stay upstairs (Ben's idea). I
cannot understate how many of such discussions take place, or how tedious they are.
Honestly, I don't have the statistics to back me up, but I'm pretty sure that 87.3% of the
dialogue in this movie revolved around whether or not everyone should go into the
basement. Question: how many arguments do we need about cellars in any movie?
Answer: 1, 2 at the most (and only then if your film is actually about a cellar). The tagline of
this film was, "There is a fate worse than death", and they were right--having to listen to Ben
and Harry butt heads over and over again about the whole cellar thing. If I had wanted to
hear stubborn pricks argue obtusely and emotionally about issues without ever really
getting anywhere, I would have turned on Fox News instead of watching Night of the Living
Dead. And by the way, I realize how ironic it is to be overly verbose when complaining about
too much exposition in a movie. Just because I'm a hypocrite, that doesn't mean that my
point isn't valid.
Score: 2
Plausibility: All of that being said, I must admit that Night of the Living Dead does a great
job of always trying to remain plausible, and its characters typically act the way that real
people would in a similar situation. As such, I think that the Department of Homeland
Security should make this movie required viewing for everyone in America. The truth of the
matter is that you never know when you're going to be trapped in a farmhouse with a bunch
of strangers, surrounded by zombies, and having seen Night of the Living Dead could be
an invaluable aid in helping you get out alive. Seriously. Don't be afraid to think big, people.
Score: 4
Production Value: Refreshingly, and unlike a lot of other zombie films, Night of the Living
Dead doesn't suffer from low production values. As my grandma used to say: the only thing
worse than a zombie is a cheap looking zombie. Too true.
Score: 5
Special Effects: There aren't very many special effects in Night of the Living Dead, unless
you consider fortifying a house from the inside to be a special effect. And if you do, you
should probably commit suicide, because the world has passed you by. Anyways, what
special effects there are in the film are well done, especially the quite cool "gas pump
explosion" that happens late in the film. I mean, it wasn't quite as effective as the one in
Zoolander, but it was still pretty good.
Score: 4
Makeup: As Night of the Living Dead is a movie directed by Tom Savini, the makeup is
superb. Need I say more? I hope not, because I've already said all that I have to say about
this category.
Score: 5
Scariness: Despite having many things going for it, Night of the Living Dead never actually
gets around to being scary. Let me explain: at one point during my viewing of the movie, my
cat saw something behind the bookcase, and became obsessed with trying to catch it.
While I'm not sure even now what it was that he saw (I think it might have been a mouse),
trying to figure that out was scarier than anything in this movie. I mean, instead of a mouse,
what if what my cat saw was a fragment of The Blob? If so, I could have been killed at any
moment while watching this flick! CREEPY! I think you see what I'm saying here.
Score: 2
Goriness: Night of the Living Dead features some decent gore, although I would have
expected a little more with Tom Savini at the helm. Still, you do get to see a zombie get hit
by a truck and then crawl around on the ground with a broken back. That's pretty cool, right?
Right.
Score: 3
Final Scene: Unlike the original version of Night of the Living Dead, at the end of which Ben
is mistakenly taken for a zombie and killed, in this version, Ben actually is a zombie when
he's killed at the end of the flick. Not only does Ben being a zombie seem the lamer of the
two endings, it also robs the viewer of that utterly depressing, soul crushing feelings that
the original brought on. Honestly, if you can't be depressed by a zombie movie, what can
you be depressed by?
Score: 1
Comedy: There isn't much comedy in Night of the Living Dead, intentional or otherwise,
unless you consider the corpses of really fat guys to be funny, which I hope that you don't.
Remember: living fat guys = funny, dead fat guys = not funny. I call this the Jonathan
Winters Corollary. You can learn more about it in my upcoming book, The
Philosophico-Comedic Implications of Fatties.
Score: 1
Originality: Night of the Living Dead has to score rather low on this count. I mean, it's a
remake...how original can it be? I'm seriously asking. Wouldn't calling a remake "original"
be sort of like asking how hamster-like your guinea pig is? It wouldn't? Never mind, then.
Score: 1
Rewatchability: Night of the Living Dead is definitely rewatchable. While it loses some
points when compared to the original (which is imminently rewatchable), you'd sure as shit
be much better off watching it 100 times in a row than you would be watching City of the
Living Dead just once.
Score: 4
Datedness: Night of the Living Dead actually holds up surprisingly well on the datedness
scale, except for in one area: Patricia Hallman's haircut. I'll comment on this more a little
later, just remember this: 1990 was a terrible time for hair. Remember Kid from Kid 'N
Play? What an ass hole.
Score: 5
Soundtrack: The music in this film is occasionally ambient and interesting, but most of the
time it's just really half-assed keyboard noodling. That sort of thing is cool if you're Brian
Eno, but not if you're a zombie movie. But, I suppose you could say that about a lot of things.
Score: 3
Breast Factor/Nudity: During the opening graveyard sequence, Barbara and her
soon-to-be-dead brother are attacked by a few different zombies, one of whom was in a
coffin, as he was apparently about to be buried. His clothes only cover the front half of his
body, and as such, we get to see this dead dude's lily-white ass. That's the extent of nudity
in this film. Not only is that disturbing in and of itself, but it also makes me wonder, is this
half-clothes thing really how people are buried? How fucking cheap are people? A better
question: do I seriously have to go into the afterlife without so much as a full pair of pants
on? Well, that's just GREAT. What a world.
Score: 1
Lead Actor: Tony Todd as Ben. That's right, none other than the Candyman himself
handles the lead actor duties in Night of the Living Dead. He does a commendable job as
Ben, but still, I kept waiting for a zombie to say "Candyman" five times, and for Ben to all of
the sudden only have one arm. Poor Tony Todd--a quick glance at his IMDB page reveals
that he's had a busy career with a host of different parts, and yet, to me and most of the
people I know, he'll always be the Candyman. I can't decide if that's cool, or tragic.
Regardless, on a different note, I noticed when going through my notes for this film that I
wrote: "Carl Weathers would have been a better choice". I can tell you without any
hesitation that Carl Weathers would have been terrible in this role (as we all know that he'll
never top his performance in Predator, and therefore shouldn't even bother trying). The
point is, I have no idea why I wrote such a thing--is it possible that I'm not as clever as I
think I am? Let's hope not.
Score: 4
Sidekick(s)/Love Interest: Patricia Tillman as Barbara. Tillman does a great job as
Barbara, especially for someone who was supposedly cast in the role mainly because she
knew the director in college. The role of Barbara is actually one of the areas that I think the
remake of Night of the Living Dead improves over the original. Instead of being a meek,
terminally scared character, Barbara is the levelheaded voice of reason, and she takes
charge as the film progresses. That said, there is the aforementioned tragic fact that
Tillman wears a very short haircut in the film, one that makes her look like a member of
Wilson Phillips. Seriously. At some points, it's very distracting--instead of capping a
zombie, I kept waiting for her to launch into a ripping rendition of Hold On. One shouldn't
have to deal with such things when watching a zombie movie. Am I the only one who feels
this way?
Score: 5
Overall Cast: As good as the lead actors are, Night of the Living Dead must score rather
few points in this category. Some of the cast is decent, but those that are bad are seriously
bad (seriously bad being another way of saying "very, very bad"). Honestly, I don't know
who's worse--Tom Towles and McKee Anderson in the role of The Coopers, who
apparently graduated with honors from The Al Pacino Academy of Over-Acting, or Katie
Finneran as Judie Rose, a woman with an incredibly piercing, mind-numbing shriek (it
would make Axl Rose himself vomit with jealousy) that the audience has to hear
approximately 7,000 times during the course of the film. Yuck.
Score: 2
Token Scientist: Alas, Night of the Living Dead doesn't seem to feature any scientists
whatsoever, unless I'm expected to count some dude on TV reading a report as scientist.
I'm not supposed to do that, am I? Let's hope not--otherwise that means that Matt Lauer is
the Albert Einstein of our time. That would be bad for science...that would be bad for
America...that would be bad for Earth.
Score: 1
Token Fat Guy: Night of the Living Dead has one of the sweetest token fat guys that I've ever
seen in a zombie movie--a large man who is actually a large dead man when the audience
first meets him, who of course eventually becomes zombified. I haven't enjoyed blubber in
a movie this much since I saw Freewilly.
Score: 5
Best Line: The best line goes to the aforementioned character of Harry Cooper. While, as
mentioned earlier, Tom Towles engages in some serious over-acting throughout the film,
he does do a great job of delivering its most memorable line: "You idiots! You lame brains!
You're gonna die up here. You're gonna die!" If your life was threatened by a horde of the
living dead, and those around you were acting in a way that you found idiotic and life
threatening, would you get their attention by calling them "lame brains"? I hope not.
Seriously, I haven't heard statements so simultaneously intense and ineffective since I
heard the president talking about America getting over its dependency on oil. But, I
suppose that's neither here nor there.
Score: 4
Intangibles: In restoring a scene reportedly scripted but never filmed for the original Night of
the Living Dead, the remake does a great job of illustrating the heretofore-unexplored
upside of zombie infestation, which is this: zombies don't have rights, so there's nothing
stopping you from rounding them up and (a) using them for target practice or (b) wrestling
with them. I know that you can practice firing your gun at the shooting range, and I know that
you can always find someone to wrestle with (especially in the red light district), but
still--there's something to be said for a live (sort of), upright target who will never complain
and won't get tired. Sure, zombies smell, they're relentless, and they'll eat you and everyone
that you love if you don't pay close attention to them, but all of that is a small price to pay if it
means we have a fully armed, highly skilled group of citizens with guns and/or Andre the
Giant-caliber wrestlers. I sound like Lyndon LaRouche, don't I?
Score: 5
Zombie Believability: As previously mentioned, the makeup in the film is superb, and this
generally lends an air of believability to the proceedings. What also helps is that the
zombies never get silly and yell "brains", or anything like that. I mean come on, we all know
that it's possible for the dead to rise, but that it's impossible for them to talk, what with their
vocal chords getting all rubbery and stuff after they're buried. You know what I'm saying
here.
Score: 4
Zombie Attack Scenes: Seeing as how Night of the Living Dead is a classic zombie
"siege" movie, virtually the entire affair is one long zombie attack scene, which is a good
thing. That phrase reminds me, how much cooler would this film had been if the house
that everyone holed up in was Martha Stewart's? In addition to kicking some undead ass,
the characters would have learned how to macramé or decoupage, and if she had become
zombified herself, we would have finally been able to answer the question: which wines go
best with human flesh? Man, I wish I was watching this Martha Stewart Versus the
Zombies movie right now. More importantly, I really should copyright ideas like this instead
of publishing them for free on the Internet.
Score: 5
Zombie "Orgy" Scenes: There's only one major "orgy" scene in Night of the Living Dead,
but as it features the character of Barbara having to ice the corpse of her own mother, I'm
going to have to give the film high marks in this category. I have no idea why this means
high marks, but it does. Whatever.
Score: 4
Anti-Zombie Weaponry: There's nothing special about the anti-zombie weaponry employed
in this film; the characters dispatch zombies with your average mix of shotguns, rifles, and
blunt objects. I guess that makes sense though, seeing as how they're making due with
whatever they could find in the house that they randomly ended up in--it's just too bad that
said house wasn't owned by my Uncle Leroy, because then everyone in Night of the Living
Dead could have kicked some zombie ass with flamethrowers, swords, bullwhips, and
landmines. Incidentally, if you're ever interested in joining a militia, let me know--Uncle
Leroy is always looking for new recruits.
Score: 3
Zombification Explanation: Maybe it's my lack of attention to detail, but I don't recall hearing
an official reason for what caused the dead to rise in Night of the Living Dead. So, why
don't we just blame the zombification on Saddam Hussein? Works for me.
Score: 3
Zombie "Uniqueness": Being of the shambling, groaning variety, the zombies in Night of
the Living Dead aren't necessarily unique; however, it was incredibly refreshing to watch a
zombie movie in which the characters actually, finally addressed the fact that the zombies
they're battling are slow and could probably be given the slip with a minimum of effort. As
Barbara put it at one point, "They're so slow. We could just walk right past 'em and we
wouldn't even have to run. We could just walk right past 'em. We have the guns. If we're
careful we could get away." (The question of why the characters in Night of the Living Dead
don't follow Barbara's advice is beside the point, I suppose.) In addition to this, the movie
also features zombies eating cooked meat (after a few of the characters are blown up) and
a mouse, which I guess means that zombies have a much broader palate than they're
generally given credit for. My Martha Stewart/zombie movie idea now seems more relevant
than ever.
Score: 4
Zombie Consistency: The zombies in Night of the Living Dead are largely consistent with
each other, which is probably due to the detailed makeup effects that they sport. I guess. I
can't really think of anything insightful to say here, so I'd like you to remember something
worthwhile or edifying that you once read, and I pretend that this paragraph is as good as
that. Thanks.
Score: 4
Signature Zombie: I'm not sure that Night of the Living Dead features a signature zombie,
which is kind of a bummer, because as unlikable as some of the film's supporting
characters are, it would have been nice to have a "go to" zombie to root on to flesh-eating
success. So, I guess I'll just have to say that the Coopers' zombified daughter is the film's
signature zombie, even though that seems arbitrary at best. Oh well.
Score: 2
Total Points: 99
Verdict: While not without its flaws, and therefore not quite ZombieTastic, Night of the
Living Dead has a lot more going for it that the average zombie movie. It's well executed (no
pun intended), and is entertaining enough that you won't wish you yourself were dead (or
undead) while watching it. Still, that being said, I think we can agree that the remake of
Night of the Living Dead is nowhere near as entertaining as Martha Stewart Versus the
Zombies would be, right? Right.
Next Time: Dead Heat
Year of Release: 1990
Country of Origin: USA
Type of Zombie Film: Zombie Siege
Also Known as: N/A
Part of a series?: Sort of--this film is a remake of the 1968 version
of Night of the Living Dead, and is also being remade as Night of
the Living Dead 3D (2006).
The Scoring
Plot: A woman and her brother go to a graveyard to visit their mother's grave. While doing
so, a zombie attacks them, killing the brother. The woman flees to a nearby farmhouse
where she holes up with several strangers, and they yell at each other a bunch as they try to
fight off an attacking horde of hungry zombies. Pretty standard stuff, really.
Score: 3
Exposition: In the original version of Night of the Living Dead, there was a great amount of
tension between the characters of Ben and Harry Cooper as they, in addition to the living
dead, battled each other. This tension was one of the driving forces of the film, and greatly
contributed to the overall feelings of tension that it instilled in the viewer. (I know that I'm
supposed to be talking about exposition scenes in the film, and I'm getting to that--just hold
your horses). Sadly, the remake of Night of the Living Dead, while trying to recreate this
tension and elucidate the crisis facing the characters, ends up dumping an avalanche of
worthless dialogue on the viewer. The point is this: the film features discussion after
argument after discussion about whether or not everyone should (a) go into the cellar of the
house that the characters are hiding in (Harry's idea), or (b) stay upstairs (Ben's idea). I
cannot understate how many of such discussions take place, or how tedious they are.
Honestly, I don't have the statistics to back me up, but I'm pretty sure that 87.3% of the
dialogue in this movie revolved around whether or not everyone should go into the
basement. Question: how many arguments do we need about cellars in any movie?
Answer: 1, 2 at the most (and only then if your film is actually about a cellar). The tagline of
this film was, "There is a fate worse than death", and they were right--having to listen to Ben
and Harry butt heads over and over again about the whole cellar thing. If I had wanted to
hear stubborn pricks argue obtusely and emotionally about issues without ever really
getting anywhere, I would have turned on Fox News instead of watching Night of the Living
Dead. And by the way, I realize how ironic it is to be overly verbose when complaining about
too much exposition in a movie. Just because I'm a hypocrite, that doesn't mean that my
point isn't valid.
Score: 2
Plausibility: All of that being said, I must admit that Night of the Living Dead does a great
job of always trying to remain plausible, and its characters typically act the way that real
people would in a similar situation. As such, I think that the Department of Homeland
Security should make this movie required viewing for everyone in America. The truth of the
matter is that you never know when you're going to be trapped in a farmhouse with a bunch
of strangers, surrounded by zombies, and having seen Night of the Living Dead could be
an invaluable aid in helping you get out alive. Seriously. Don't be afraid to think big, people.
Score: 4
Production Value: Refreshingly, and unlike a lot of other zombie films, Night of the Living
Dead doesn't suffer from low production values. As my grandma used to say: the only thing
worse than a zombie is a cheap looking zombie. Too true.
Score: 5
Special Effects: There aren't very many special effects in Night of the Living Dead, unless
you consider fortifying a house from the inside to be a special effect. And if you do, you
should probably commit suicide, because the world has passed you by. Anyways, what
special effects there are in the film are well done, especially the quite cool "gas pump
explosion" that happens late in the film. I mean, it wasn't quite as effective as the one in
Zoolander, but it was still pretty good.
Score: 4
Makeup: As Night of the Living Dead is a movie directed by Tom Savini, the makeup is
superb. Need I say more? I hope not, because I've already said all that I have to say about
this category.
Score: 5
Scariness: Despite having many things going for it, Night of the Living Dead never actually
gets around to being scary. Let me explain: at one point during my viewing of the movie, my
cat saw something behind the bookcase, and became obsessed with trying to catch it.
While I'm not sure even now what it was that he saw (I think it might have been a mouse),
trying to figure that out was scarier than anything in this movie. I mean, instead of a mouse,
what if what my cat saw was a fragment of The Blob? If so, I could have been killed at any
moment while watching this flick! CREEPY! I think you see what I'm saying here.
Score: 2
Goriness: Night of the Living Dead features some decent gore, although I would have
expected a little more with Tom Savini at the helm. Still, you do get to see a zombie get hit
by a truck and then crawl around on the ground with a broken back. That's pretty cool, right?
Right.
Score: 3
Final Scene: Unlike the original version of Night of the Living Dead, at the end of which Ben
is mistakenly taken for a zombie and killed, in this version, Ben actually is a zombie when
he's killed at the end of the flick. Not only does Ben being a zombie seem the lamer of the
two endings, it also robs the viewer of that utterly depressing, soul crushing feelings that
the original brought on. Honestly, if you can't be depressed by a zombie movie, what can
you be depressed by?
Score: 1
Comedy: There isn't much comedy in Night of the Living Dead, intentional or otherwise,
unless you consider the corpses of really fat guys to be funny, which I hope that you don't.
Remember: living fat guys = funny, dead fat guys = not funny. I call this the Jonathan
Winters Corollary. You can learn more about it in my upcoming book, The
Philosophico-Comedic Implications of Fatties.
Score: 1
Originality: Night of the Living Dead has to score rather low on this count. I mean, it's a
remake...how original can it be? I'm seriously asking. Wouldn't calling a remake "original"
be sort of like asking how hamster-like your guinea pig is? It wouldn't? Never mind, then.
Score: 1
Rewatchability: Night of the Living Dead is definitely rewatchable. While it loses some
points when compared to the original (which is imminently rewatchable), you'd sure as shit
be much better off watching it 100 times in a row than you would be watching City of the
Living Dead just once.
Score: 4
Datedness: Night of the Living Dead actually holds up surprisingly well on the datedness
scale, except for in one area: Patricia Hallman's haircut. I'll comment on this more a little
later, just remember this: 1990 was a terrible time for hair. Remember Kid from Kid 'N
Play? What an ass hole.
Score: 5
Soundtrack: The music in this film is occasionally ambient and interesting, but most of the
time it's just really half-assed keyboard noodling. That sort of thing is cool if you're Brian
Eno, but not if you're a zombie movie. But, I suppose you could say that about a lot of things.
Score: 3
Breast Factor/Nudity: During the opening graveyard sequence, Barbara and her
soon-to-be-dead brother are attacked by a few different zombies, one of whom was in a
coffin, as he was apparently about to be buried. His clothes only cover the front half of his
body, and as such, we get to see this dead dude's lily-white ass. That's the extent of nudity
in this film. Not only is that disturbing in and of itself, but it also makes me wonder, is this
half-clothes thing really how people are buried? How fucking cheap are people? A better
question: do I seriously have to go into the afterlife without so much as a full pair of pants
on? Well, that's just GREAT. What a world.
Score: 1
Lead Actor: Tony Todd as Ben. That's right, none other than the Candyman himself
handles the lead actor duties in Night of the Living Dead. He does a commendable job as
Ben, but still, I kept waiting for a zombie to say "Candyman" five times, and for Ben to all of
the sudden only have one arm. Poor Tony Todd--a quick glance at his IMDB page reveals
that he's had a busy career with a host of different parts, and yet, to me and most of the
people I know, he'll always be the Candyman. I can't decide if that's cool, or tragic.
Regardless, on a different note, I noticed when going through my notes for this film that I
wrote: "Carl Weathers would have been a better choice". I can tell you without any
hesitation that Carl Weathers would have been terrible in this role (as we all know that he'll
never top his performance in Predator, and therefore shouldn't even bother trying). The
point is, I have no idea why I wrote such a thing--is it possible that I'm not as clever as I
think I am? Let's hope not.
Score: 4
Sidekick(s)/Love Interest: Patricia Tillman as Barbara. Tillman does a great job as
Barbara, especially for someone who was supposedly cast in the role mainly because she
knew the director in college. The role of Barbara is actually one of the areas that I think the
remake of Night of the Living Dead improves over the original. Instead of being a meek,
terminally scared character, Barbara is the levelheaded voice of reason, and she takes
charge as the film progresses. That said, there is the aforementioned tragic fact that
Tillman wears a very short haircut in the film, one that makes her look like a member of
Wilson Phillips. Seriously. At some points, it's very distracting--instead of capping a
zombie, I kept waiting for her to launch into a ripping rendition of Hold On. One shouldn't
have to deal with such things when watching a zombie movie. Am I the only one who feels
this way?
Score: 5
Overall Cast: As good as the lead actors are, Night of the Living Dead must score rather
few points in this category. Some of the cast is decent, but those that are bad are seriously
bad (seriously bad being another way of saying "very, very bad"). Honestly, I don't know
who's worse--Tom Towles and McKee Anderson in the role of The Coopers, who
apparently graduated with honors from The Al Pacino Academy of Over-Acting, or Katie
Finneran as Judie Rose, a woman with an incredibly piercing, mind-numbing shriek (it
would make Axl Rose himself vomit with jealousy) that the audience has to hear
approximately 7,000 times during the course of the film. Yuck.
Score: 2
Token Scientist: Alas, Night of the Living Dead doesn't seem to feature any scientists
whatsoever, unless I'm expected to count some dude on TV reading a report as scientist.
I'm not supposed to do that, am I? Let's hope not--otherwise that means that Matt Lauer is
the Albert Einstein of our time. That would be bad for science...that would be bad for
America...that would be bad for Earth.
Score: 1
Token Fat Guy: Night of the Living Dead has one of the sweetest token fat guys that I've ever
seen in a zombie movie--a large man who is actually a large dead man when the audience
first meets him, who of course eventually becomes zombified. I haven't enjoyed blubber in
a movie this much since I saw Freewilly.
Score: 5
Best Line: The best line goes to the aforementioned character of Harry Cooper. While, as
mentioned earlier, Tom Towles engages in some serious over-acting throughout the film,
he does do a great job of delivering its most memorable line: "You idiots! You lame brains!
You're gonna die up here. You're gonna die!" If your life was threatened by a horde of the
living dead, and those around you were acting in a way that you found idiotic and life
threatening, would you get their attention by calling them "lame brains"? I hope not.
Seriously, I haven't heard statements so simultaneously intense and ineffective since I
heard the president talking about America getting over its dependency on oil. But, I
suppose that's neither here nor there.
Score: 4
Intangibles: In restoring a scene reportedly scripted but never filmed for the original Night of
the Living Dead, the remake does a great job of illustrating the heretofore-unexplored
upside of zombie infestation, which is this: zombies don't have rights, so there's nothing
stopping you from rounding them up and (a) using them for target practice or (b) wrestling
with them. I know that you can practice firing your gun at the shooting range, and I know that
you can always find someone to wrestle with (especially in the red light district), but
still--there's something to be said for a live (sort of), upright target who will never complain
and won't get tired. Sure, zombies smell, they're relentless, and they'll eat you and everyone
that you love if you don't pay close attention to them, but all of that is a small price to pay if it
means we have a fully armed, highly skilled group of citizens with guns and/or Andre the
Giant-caliber wrestlers. I sound like Lyndon LaRouche, don't I?
Score: 5
Zombie Believability: As previously mentioned, the makeup in the film is superb, and this
generally lends an air of believability to the proceedings. What also helps is that the
zombies never get silly and yell "brains", or anything like that. I mean come on, we all know
that it's possible for the dead to rise, but that it's impossible for them to talk, what with their
vocal chords getting all rubbery and stuff after they're buried. You know what I'm saying
here.
Score: 4
Zombie Attack Scenes: Seeing as how Night of the Living Dead is a classic zombie
"siege" movie, virtually the entire affair is one long zombie attack scene, which is a good
thing. That phrase reminds me, how much cooler would this film had been if the house
that everyone holed up in was Martha Stewart's? In addition to kicking some undead ass,
the characters would have learned how to macramé or decoupage, and if she had become
zombified herself, we would have finally been able to answer the question: which wines go
best with human flesh? Man, I wish I was watching this Martha Stewart Versus the
Zombies movie right now. More importantly, I really should copyright ideas like this instead
of publishing them for free on the Internet.
Score: 5
Zombie "Orgy" Scenes: There's only one major "orgy" scene in Night of the Living Dead,
but as it features the character of Barbara having to ice the corpse of her own mother, I'm
going to have to give the film high marks in this category. I have no idea why this means
high marks, but it does. Whatever.
Score: 4
Anti-Zombie Weaponry: There's nothing special about the anti-zombie weaponry employed
in this film; the characters dispatch zombies with your average mix of shotguns, rifles, and
blunt objects. I guess that makes sense though, seeing as how they're making due with
whatever they could find in the house that they randomly ended up in--it's just too bad that
said house wasn't owned by my Uncle Leroy, because then everyone in Night of the Living
Dead could have kicked some zombie ass with flamethrowers, swords, bullwhips, and
landmines. Incidentally, if you're ever interested in joining a militia, let me know--Uncle
Leroy is always looking for new recruits.
Score: 3
Zombification Explanation: Maybe it's my lack of attention to detail, but I don't recall hearing
an official reason for what caused the dead to rise in Night of the Living Dead. So, why
don't we just blame the zombification on Saddam Hussein? Works for me.
Score: 3
Zombie "Uniqueness": Being of the shambling, groaning variety, the zombies in Night of
the Living Dead aren't necessarily unique; however, it was incredibly refreshing to watch a
zombie movie in which the characters actually, finally addressed the fact that the zombies
they're battling are slow and could probably be given the slip with a minimum of effort. As
Barbara put it at one point, "They're so slow. We could just walk right past 'em and we
wouldn't even have to run. We could just walk right past 'em. We have the guns. If we're
careful we could get away." (The question of why the characters in Night of the Living Dead
don't follow Barbara's advice is beside the point, I suppose.) In addition to this, the movie
also features zombies eating cooked meat (after a few of the characters are blown up) and
a mouse, which I guess means that zombies have a much broader palate than they're
generally given credit for. My Martha Stewart/zombie movie idea now seems more relevant
than ever.
Score: 4
Zombie Consistency: The zombies in Night of the Living Dead are largely consistent with
each other, which is probably due to the detailed makeup effects that they sport. I guess. I
can't really think of anything insightful to say here, so I'd like you to remember something
worthwhile or edifying that you once read, and I pretend that this paragraph is as good as
that. Thanks.
Score: 4
Signature Zombie: I'm not sure that Night of the Living Dead features a signature zombie,
which is kind of a bummer, because as unlikable as some of the film's supporting
characters are, it would have been nice to have a "go to" zombie to root on to flesh-eating
success. So, I guess I'll just have to say that the Coopers' zombified daughter is the film's
signature zombie, even though that seems arbitrary at best. Oh well.
Score: 2
Total Points: 99
Verdict: While not without its flaws, and therefore not quite ZombieTastic, Night of the
Living Dead has a lot more going for it that the average zombie movie. It's well executed (no
pun intended), and is entertaining enough that you won't wish you yourself were dead (or
undead) while watching it. Still, that being said, I think we can agree that the remake of
Night of the Living Dead is nowhere near as entertaining as Martha Stewart Versus the
Zombies would be, right? Right.
Next Time: Dead Heat
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