The ZombieTastic Review of:
The Grapes of Death
The Grapes of Death
Director: Jean Rollin
Year of Release: 1978
Country of Origin: France
Type of Zombie Film: Anti-Wine Gropefest
Also Known as: Les Raisins de la Mort
Part of a series?: No.
The Scoring
Plot: The plot of The Grapes of Death, in a nutshell (or a grapeshell, as it were--do grapes
have shells? How should I know?), is this: bad, bad wine causes French villagers to
develop gigantic sores on their bodies, and then to attack/kill/creepily fondle anyone who
doesn't have said sores. Wasn't this ground already covered in a UB40 song? No, not at
all: UB40 was singing about red wine, not bad wine. Don't be embarrassed if you made
that mistake--it's a common one, and alas it's not the only time that someone has confused
the plot of a zombie movie with a reggae song (for more information about this, please see
my forthcoming article in Harper's about the whole "Night of the Natty Dread" controversy of
1974).
Score: 4
Year of Release: 1978
Country of Origin: France
Type of Zombie Film: Anti-Wine Gropefest
Also Known as: Les Raisins de la Mort
Part of a series?: No.
The Scoring
Plot: The plot of The Grapes of Death, in a nutshell (or a grapeshell, as it were--do grapes
have shells? How should I know?), is this: bad, bad wine causes French villagers to
develop gigantic sores on their bodies, and then to attack/kill/creepily fondle anyone who
doesn't have said sores. Wasn't this ground already covered in a UB40 song? No, not at
all: UB40 was singing about red wine, not bad wine. Don't be embarrassed if you made
that mistake--it's a common one, and alas it's not the only time that someone has confused
the plot of a zombie movie with a reggae song (for more information about this, please see
my forthcoming article in Harper's about the whole "Night of the Natty Dread" controversy of
1974).
Score: 4
| Never drink wine from a box, for obvious reasons. |
Exposition: There's not a whole lot of exposition in The Grapes of Death, which, it being a
zombie movie, is a good thing. Additionally, there's not a whole lot of wine-drinking in The
Grapes of Death, which, it being a movie about wine turning people into zombies, is a
curious thing. Strange. Still, if I can paraphrase one of my all-time favorite songs: you take
the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have The Grapes of Death.
The Grapes of Death.
Score: 4
Plausibility: In my review of Tombs of the Blind Dead, I commented that "when women are
upset, they don't spontaneously jump off of trains, drag their hefty luggage through field after
field, and then camp out in the damp, musty, creepy, eerily-lit, crumbling, and
strangely-deserted ruins of a monastery. They just don't." It appears that my 8th grade
math teacher may have been right when he said that I was "dumber than 7 Gary Harts" (it
was a relevant comment at the time), because in The Grapes of Death, a woman deals
with being upset by jumping off a train. Sure, she doesn't drag around her luggage or camp
out in a monastery, but the same basic principle is at work. Additionally, this film, just like
Tombs, features a fierce cat-fight. Zombie movie synergy, or evidence of something much
more profound? I don't know--it's probably best not to try to answer such a question, lest
the Illuminati and the Freemasons find out that I'm close to the truth. So, I'll shove those
considerations aside and ask this question: is it possible, nay plausible, to go from being
horrified by the mere sight of a dead body to being able to commit multiple murders in the
span of about 7 minutes? Because that's what happens in The Grapes of Death, and it
doesn't seem very likely to me. Is it possible that the film's creators were trying to make
some sort of Lord of the Flies-like commentary about the nature of mankind? Sure. But, it's
also possible that they were just throwing murder into the film to distract us from the
horrible truth about train-fleeing. Ultimately, you'll have to make up your own mind.
Score: 2
Production Value: I would describe the production value of this film as being "relentlessly
adequate". By that I mean that while nothing ever looks cheaply done or half-assed (except
of course for the one shot that goes out of focus for no good reason), there's also nothing
that stands out as being of exceptional quality. In other words, watching The Grapes of
Death is a lot like eating a Triscuit: sure, it's better than eating a Saltine, but it's not as good
as eating a Ritz. I think you see my meaning.
Score: 3
zombie movie, is a good thing. Additionally, there's not a whole lot of wine-drinking in The
Grapes of Death, which, it being a movie about wine turning people into zombies, is a
curious thing. Strange. Still, if I can paraphrase one of my all-time favorite songs: you take
the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have The Grapes of Death.
The Grapes of Death.
Score: 4
Plausibility: In my review of Tombs of the Blind Dead, I commented that "when women are
upset, they don't spontaneously jump off of trains, drag their hefty luggage through field after
field, and then camp out in the damp, musty, creepy, eerily-lit, crumbling, and
strangely-deserted ruins of a monastery. They just don't." It appears that my 8th grade
math teacher may have been right when he said that I was "dumber than 7 Gary Harts" (it
was a relevant comment at the time), because in The Grapes of Death, a woman deals
with being upset by jumping off a train. Sure, she doesn't drag around her luggage or camp
out in a monastery, but the same basic principle is at work. Additionally, this film, just like
Tombs, features a fierce cat-fight. Zombie movie synergy, or evidence of something much
more profound? I don't know--it's probably best not to try to answer such a question, lest
the Illuminati and the Freemasons find out that I'm close to the truth. So, I'll shove those
considerations aside and ask this question: is it possible, nay plausible, to go from being
horrified by the mere sight of a dead body to being able to commit multiple murders in the
span of about 7 minutes? Because that's what happens in The Grapes of Death, and it
doesn't seem very likely to me. Is it possible that the film's creators were trying to make
some sort of Lord of the Flies-like commentary about the nature of mankind? Sure. But, it's
also possible that they were just throwing murder into the film to distract us from the
horrible truth about train-fleeing. Ultimately, you'll have to make up your own mind.
Score: 2
Production Value: I would describe the production value of this film as being "relentlessly
adequate". By that I mean that while nothing ever looks cheaply done or half-assed (except
of course for the one shot that goes out of focus for no good reason), there's also nothing
that stands out as being of exceptional quality. In other words, watching The Grapes of
Death is a lot like eating a Triscuit: sure, it's better than eating a Saltine, but it's not as good
as eating a Ritz. I think you see my meaning.
Score: 3
| Focus...FOCUS! |
Special Effects: There aren't really any special effects to speak of in The Grapes of Death.
Normally, this would warrant a minimal score of '1' in this category, or possibly a '2' if I
remembered to take my medicine that day. However, I'm awarding this film a '3' here, for
this special reason: in the credits, the persons responsible for the special effects are listed
under the title of "maquillages et effets speciaux". That title is like a special effect in and of
itself--one that no other zombie movie that I know of can boast. Sure, having looked it up
online, I realize that it's simply French for "Make-up and Special Effects", but I don't think that
dilutes its awesomeness. I guess it's true what Voltaire said: sometimes to speak French
is not such a bad thing after all.
Score: 3
Normally, this would warrant a minimal score of '1' in this category, or possibly a '2' if I
remembered to take my medicine that day. However, I'm awarding this film a '3' here, for
this special reason: in the credits, the persons responsible for the special effects are listed
under the title of "maquillages et effets speciaux". That title is like a special effect in and of
itself--one that no other zombie movie that I know of can boast. Sure, having looked it up
online, I realize that it's simply French for "Make-up and Special Effects", but I don't think that
dilutes its awesomeness. I guess it's true what Voltaire said: sometimes to speak French
is not such a bad thing after all.
Score: 3
| This guy gives new meaning to the term 'pizza face.' |
Makeup: While there aren't many (or any) special effects in The Grapes of Death, there are
makeup effects, and these effects are pretty special, so in a way, isn't that a special effect in
and of itself? Wait, what? All I'm trying to say is that what with the plague of sores that's
sorely plaguing the countryside in this movie, there are enough realistic-looking rashes and
skin ailments to make you think you're watching footage of a Gwar show and/or an STD
clinic.
Score: 4
Scariness: I never thought that a film with the word "grapes" in the title could be scary, but
this one is. Well, it's not so much scary as it is creepy, but that's close enough. I mean, if
the overall feeling of dread that pervades the film AND if the site of weird rural degenerates
with skin worse than a busload of 14-year old dudes aren't enough for you, the film also
features a blind girl with eyes so white, she looks like Michael Ironsides at the end of
Scanners. When all else fails, remind viewers of something scary that they saw
somewhere else at some other time, that's what I say. At any rate, as if the blind lady's eyes
weren't freaky enough, late in the film she's beheaded, and her husband makes out with
her severed head. I don't know if he does this because he's a zombie, or because he's
French, or both. All I know is, it's creepy, and that's almost as good as being scary.
Score: 3
makeup effects, and these effects are pretty special, so in a way, isn't that a special effect in
and of itself? Wait, what? All I'm trying to say is that what with the plague of sores that's
sorely plaguing the countryside in this movie, there are enough realistic-looking rashes and
skin ailments to make you think you're watching footage of a Gwar show and/or an STD
clinic.
Score: 4
Scariness: I never thought that a film with the word "grapes" in the title could be scary, but
this one is. Well, it's not so much scary as it is creepy, but that's close enough. I mean, if
the overall feeling of dread that pervades the film AND if the site of weird rural degenerates
with skin worse than a busload of 14-year old dudes aren't enough for you, the film also
features a blind girl with eyes so white, she looks like Michael Ironsides at the end of
Scanners. When all else fails, remind viewers of something scary that they saw
somewhere else at some other time, that's what I say. At any rate, as if the blind lady's eyes
weren't freaky enough, late in the film she's beheaded, and her husband makes out with
her severed head. I don't know if he does this because he's a zombie, or because he's
French, or both. All I know is, it's creepy, and that's almost as good as being scary.
Score: 3
| Did anyone see Scanners? |
Goriness: Most of the gore in The Grapes of Death centers around the nasty, oozing,
generally unpleasant*** sores that the zombie villagers sport. Actually, in hindsight, I guess
the sores aren't so much gory as they are gross. Perhaps we need a subcategory here?
Instead of 'goriness', I could discuss 'grosiness', which I suppose would be something
that's more gross than gory, while still somehow retaining fundamental aspects of
goriness. There's a lot of grosiness in The Grapes of Death, that's what I'm saying to you.
*** Incidentally, 'nasty, oozing, generally unpleasant' was how people used to describe the
comedy of Jerry Lewis; Jerry Lewis was revered by the French; this movie was made by the
French; coincidence? You tell me.
Score: 3
generally unpleasant*** sores that the zombie villagers sport. Actually, in hindsight, I guess
the sores aren't so much gory as they are gross. Perhaps we need a subcategory here?
Instead of 'goriness', I could discuss 'grosiness', which I suppose would be something
that's more gross than gory, while still somehow retaining fundamental aspects of
goriness. There's a lot of grosiness in The Grapes of Death, that's what I'm saying to you.
*** Incidentally, 'nasty, oozing, generally unpleasant' was how people used to describe the
comedy of Jerry Lewis; Jerry Lewis was revered by the French; this movie was made by the
French; coincidence? You tell me.
Score: 3
| Grosiness: it's not for the weak-stomached. |
Final Scene: I must admit that I enjoyed the final scene in The Grapes of Death. From the
outset of the film, all Elisabeth wants to do is to get home to her fiancée. When she finally
reunites with him in the film's final minutes, she discovers that he's been infected by
zombie wine, and will soon become a slobbering creep intent on devouring her (how this is
different from the actions of most men towards their fiancées is beyond me). Anyways,
she's eventually forced to choose between watching her main squeeze become zombified
or watching him be gunned down by the zombie hunters that she's teamed up with.
Creatively choosing option 'C', Elisabeth decides to wait until her fiancée is gunned down,
and then to gun down everyone else in the barn. (Did I mention that they're in a barn? Well,
they are.) After everyone's dead, she kind of stands around, and blood drips on her...blood
which bears a resemblance to wine...wine which caused people to become zombified,
which caused Elisabeth to in turn gun down a barn full of people. You see how that works?
Now that's what I call story structure.
Score: 5
Comedy: The Grapes of Death is played 'straight', which means that there are no
intentional laughs to be had in the film. However, there are a couple of unintentional laughs
along the way, specifically from the zombies encountered who bear uncanny resemblances
to Ron Jeremy and Davy Jones. If you've ever wanted to see a Monkee and/or a porn star in
the same film, then you should rent The Grapes of Death today.
Score: 1
outset of the film, all Elisabeth wants to do is to get home to her fiancée. When she finally
reunites with him in the film's final minutes, she discovers that he's been infected by
zombie wine, and will soon become a slobbering creep intent on devouring her (how this is
different from the actions of most men towards their fiancées is beyond me). Anyways,
she's eventually forced to choose between watching her main squeeze become zombified
or watching him be gunned down by the zombie hunters that she's teamed up with.
Creatively choosing option 'C', Elisabeth decides to wait until her fiancée is gunned down,
and then to gun down everyone else in the barn. (Did I mention that they're in a barn? Well,
they are.) After everyone's dead, she kind of stands around, and blood drips on her...blood
which bears a resemblance to wine...wine which caused people to become zombified,
which caused Elisabeth to in turn gun down a barn full of people. You see how that works?
Now that's what I call story structure.
Score: 5
Comedy: The Grapes of Death is played 'straight', which means that there are no
intentional laughs to be had in the film. However, there are a couple of unintentional laughs
along the way, specifically from the zombies encountered who bear uncanny resemblances
to Ron Jeremy and Davy Jones. If you've ever wanted to see a Monkee and/or a porn star in
the same film, then you should rent The Grapes of Death today.
Score: 1
| Ron Jeremy, wondering what he's doing in a zombie movie. |
Originality: The Grapes of Death is original in the sense that its plot centers around wine,
and having been made in 1978, it came almost a full decade after the wine-based horror
movie heyday of the 1960's (notable films from that time include Dr. Strangewine, The
Winechurian Candidate, Seven Glasses in May, and Butch Grape-idy and the Winedance
Kid). Additionally, while this is ostensibly a zombie movie, full-on zombies who we know
are zombies don't show up until about halfway through the flick, a gambit which most
zombie movies are unwilling to attempt. Furthermore, when they do show up, the zombies
are self-aware (to a certain degree, at least), which is an idea that has been covered in very
few zombie movies before Grapes or since (Return of the Living Dead 3 and Land of the
Dead being notable exceptions). And of course, this being a French film, at one point, in the
midst of battling the living dead, our protagonists stop to discuss philosophy and fascism,
which is an idea that thankfully has been covered in very few zombie movies, period. To
sum up, The Grapes of Death: full of originality, full of vino.
Score: 5
Rewatchability: On the whole, The Grapes of Death is inherently rewatchable, because it
features quality performances, an interesting storyline, striking visuals, and, of course,
pretty French ladies. Plus, it will probably take multiple viewings to answer that
all-important question: which is the best French zombie movie ever made? It is Grapes or
Cemetery Man?***
***Editor's note: while we here at ZombieTastic begrudgingly acknowledge that Oasis of
the Zombies and Zombie Lake (a) exist and (b) are French, they are not included in the
above question concerning the greatest French zombie movie ever made, due to the fact
that they are amongst the worst zombie movies, nay, the worst movies ever made by any
nationality, and should not be watched, discussed, or thought about by anyone, ever.
Score: 4
Datedness: It's hard to judge the datedness of this film. There's nothing in the plot or
dialogue of the film that ties it to a specific era (e.g. references to the Cold War, or to
Reaganomics, or to how awesome David Cassidy is)(which, thinking of that last example,
wouldn't really date the film anyway, because the work of David Cassidy is timeless). In
cases like this, we're forced to judge a film's datedness exclusively on fashion. However,
this is problematic for a European film, because when you look at someone's clothes in
such a film, you have to wonder: (1) is the person dressed like that because this is a film
from a different era, (2) or is the person dressed like that because s/he is out of style, (3) or
is the person dressed like that because s/he is so hip that they've latched onto a retro
fashion style months or years before the rest of the world has? With those considerations
in mind, I would have to say that the jeans in The Grapes of Death are a dead (or undead)
giveaway as to when the film was made (the late 70s)--the actors are French, which means
that they can't, by definition, be out of style (eliminating #2), BUT I just can't see someone,
anyone, attempting to make fashionable the hideous, hideous jeans on display in this film
(eliminating #3). So, science tells us The Grapes of Death was made in a different era,
thus...it's dated. And yes, that "dead (or undead)" comment I made earlier is easily the
worst pun that I've ever attempted on this site, which is pretty pathetic, when you think about
it.
Score: 3
Soundtrack: The Grapes of Death features the same old keyboard-laden music endemic
to pretty much every zombie movie made after Night of the Living Dead and before Day of
the Dead. Between this film, City of the Living Dead, The House by the Cemetery, and
Nightmare City (amongst many others), I'm beginning to think that the Casio Computer
Company and/or Robert Moog underwrote every zombie movie produced between 1975
and 1985.
Score: 2
Breast Factor/Nudity: There is nudity in The Grapes of Death, but alas, it's the worse kind
of nudity that there is: fight scene nudity. And, there are festering, pus-leaking sores
involved as well. AND, at the end of the nude scene, someone gets killed. In other words,
the makers of this film took something awesome and ruined it by adding something not
awesome to it. It's like a sundae covered in dog shit. Thanks for nothing, Jean Rollin.
Score: 1
and having been made in 1978, it came almost a full decade after the wine-based horror
movie heyday of the 1960's (notable films from that time include Dr. Strangewine, The
Winechurian Candidate, Seven Glasses in May, and Butch Grape-idy and the Winedance
Kid). Additionally, while this is ostensibly a zombie movie, full-on zombies who we know
are zombies don't show up until about halfway through the flick, a gambit which most
zombie movies are unwilling to attempt. Furthermore, when they do show up, the zombies
are self-aware (to a certain degree, at least), which is an idea that has been covered in very
few zombie movies before Grapes or since (Return of the Living Dead 3 and Land of the
Dead being notable exceptions). And of course, this being a French film, at one point, in the
midst of battling the living dead, our protagonists stop to discuss philosophy and fascism,
which is an idea that thankfully has been covered in very few zombie movies, period. To
sum up, The Grapes of Death: full of originality, full of vino.
Score: 5
Rewatchability: On the whole, The Grapes of Death is inherently rewatchable, because it
features quality performances, an interesting storyline, striking visuals, and, of course,
pretty French ladies. Plus, it will probably take multiple viewings to answer that
all-important question: which is the best French zombie movie ever made? It is Grapes or
Cemetery Man?***
***Editor's note: while we here at ZombieTastic begrudgingly acknowledge that Oasis of
the Zombies and Zombie Lake (a) exist and (b) are French, they are not included in the
above question concerning the greatest French zombie movie ever made, due to the fact
that they are amongst the worst zombie movies, nay, the worst movies ever made by any
nationality, and should not be watched, discussed, or thought about by anyone, ever.
Score: 4
Datedness: It's hard to judge the datedness of this film. There's nothing in the plot or
dialogue of the film that ties it to a specific era (e.g. references to the Cold War, or to
Reaganomics, or to how awesome David Cassidy is)(which, thinking of that last example,
wouldn't really date the film anyway, because the work of David Cassidy is timeless). In
cases like this, we're forced to judge a film's datedness exclusively on fashion. However,
this is problematic for a European film, because when you look at someone's clothes in
such a film, you have to wonder: (1) is the person dressed like that because this is a film
from a different era, (2) or is the person dressed like that because s/he is out of style, (3) or
is the person dressed like that because s/he is so hip that they've latched onto a retro
fashion style months or years before the rest of the world has? With those considerations
in mind, I would have to say that the jeans in The Grapes of Death are a dead (or undead)
giveaway as to when the film was made (the late 70s)--the actors are French, which means
that they can't, by definition, be out of style (eliminating #2), BUT I just can't see someone,
anyone, attempting to make fashionable the hideous, hideous jeans on display in this film
(eliminating #3). So, science tells us The Grapes of Death was made in a different era,
thus...it's dated. And yes, that "dead (or undead)" comment I made earlier is easily the
worst pun that I've ever attempted on this site, which is pretty pathetic, when you think about
it.
Score: 3
Soundtrack: The Grapes of Death features the same old keyboard-laden music endemic
to pretty much every zombie movie made after Night of the Living Dead and before Day of
the Dead. Between this film, City of the Living Dead, The House by the Cemetery, and
Nightmare City (amongst many others), I'm beginning to think that the Casio Computer
Company and/or Robert Moog underwrote every zombie movie produced between 1975
and 1985.
Score: 2
Breast Factor/Nudity: There is nudity in The Grapes of Death, but alas, it's the worse kind
of nudity that there is: fight scene nudity. And, there are festering, pus-leaking sores
involved as well. AND, at the end of the nude scene, someone gets killed. In other words,
the makers of this film took something awesome and ruined it by adding something not
awesome to it. It's like a sundae covered in dog shit. Thanks for nothing, Jean Rollin.
Score: 1
| Nobody benefits from nudity like this. |
Lead Actor: Marie-Georges Pascal, playing the role of Elisabeth, does a fine job in The
Grapes of Death, and the fact that she looks like a Gelfling only heightens the sympathy that
we feel for her as she does battle with the living dead perverts of France. As an interesting
aside, I should point out that Marie-Georges Pascal has one of the greatest resumes of any
actor that I've ever come across, at least in terms of the awesomeness of the titles of the
films in which she appeared. Who wouldn't want to say that they acted in films such as I
Am Frigid, Raging Fists, Hot and Naked, and Clockwork Banana?
Score: 4
Sidekick(s)/Love Interest: There is a love interest referenced throughout the film, but (a) he
doesn't show up until the end, (b) when he does show up he's almost totally zombified, and
(c) I can't even remember his name. Let's just move on.
Score: 1
Overall Cast: The overall cast of The Grapes of Death is quite good. Ultimately, they
remind me a lot of Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Britney Spears when they go out
clubbing together: their behavior is disturbing, and they're covered in sores to boot.
Score: 5
Grapes of Death, and the fact that she looks like a Gelfling only heightens the sympathy that
we feel for her as she does battle with the living dead perverts of France. As an interesting
aside, I should point out that Marie-Georges Pascal has one of the greatest resumes of any
actor that I've ever come across, at least in terms of the awesomeness of the titles of the
films in which she appeared. Who wouldn't want to say that they acted in films such as I
Am Frigid, Raging Fists, Hot and Naked, and Clockwork Banana?
Score: 4
Sidekick(s)/Love Interest: There is a love interest referenced throughout the film, but (a) he
doesn't show up until the end, (b) when he does show up he's almost totally zombified, and
(c) I can't even remember his name. Let's just move on.
Score: 1
Overall Cast: The overall cast of The Grapes of Death is quite good. Ultimately, they
remind me a lot of Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Britney Spears when they go out
clubbing together: their behavior is disturbing, and they're covered in sores to boot.
Score: 5
| Would you accept wine from these people? I wouldn't. |
Token Scientist: There are no scientists in The Grapes of Death. Is this due to the French
educational system? Your guess is as good as mine.
Score: 1
Token Fat Guy: There are no fat guys in The Grapes of Death. Is this due to the French
dietary system? Your guess is as good as mine.
Score: 1
Best Line: As I watched The Grapes of Death with subtitles, it's hard for me to say which
line in the film was the best. How do I know if a line is great, only it got butchered in
translation (e.g., when someone comments that "This is too damn crazy!")? I don't know.
Ultimately, I guess I will have to go for the short and sweet utterance of "Bitch!", not because
it's particularly eloquent, but because due to the guttural way in which it's uttered, it almost
sounds like a Klingon word, and the one thing that I've always wanted to see is a zombie
fighting Klingon. Well actually, the one thing that I've always wanted to see is Jessica Biel
naked--but this Klingon/zombie thing is a close second.
Score: 3
Intangibles: If intangible awesomeness is what you're looking for in a zombie movie (and
really, why wouldn't you be looking for that?), look no further than The Grapes of Death.
Seriously--stop looking. STOP IT. From the wide variety of unique and arresting visuals on
display, to the film's moody atmosphere, to the pervading sense of outright weirdness that
pervades everything in the movie in a pervasive way, The Grapes of Death has more
intangibles than you can shake a stick at, which, considering that they're intangible, is true
by definition, right? Right.
Score: 4
educational system? Your guess is as good as mine.
Score: 1
Token Fat Guy: There are no fat guys in The Grapes of Death. Is this due to the French
dietary system? Your guess is as good as mine.
Score: 1
Best Line: As I watched The Grapes of Death with subtitles, it's hard for me to say which
line in the film was the best. How do I know if a line is great, only it got butchered in
translation (e.g., when someone comments that "This is too damn crazy!")? I don't know.
Ultimately, I guess I will have to go for the short and sweet utterance of "Bitch!", not because
it's particularly eloquent, but because due to the guttural way in which it's uttered, it almost
sounds like a Klingon word, and the one thing that I've always wanted to see is a zombie
fighting Klingon. Well actually, the one thing that I've always wanted to see is Jessica Biel
naked--but this Klingon/zombie thing is a close second.
Score: 3
Intangibles: If intangible awesomeness is what you're looking for in a zombie movie (and
really, why wouldn't you be looking for that?), look no further than The Grapes of Death.
Seriously--stop looking. STOP IT. From the wide variety of unique and arresting visuals on
display, to the film's moody atmosphere, to the pervading sense of outright weirdness that
pervades everything in the movie in a pervasive way, The Grapes of Death has more
intangibles than you can shake a stick at, which, considering that they're intangible, is true
by definition, right? Right.
Score: 4
| That is one sweet shot. |
Zombie Believability: Are the zombies in The Grapes of Death believable? As humans,
yes. As zombies...I'm not sure. In point of fact, I would say that the "zombies" in the movie
bear more of a resemblance to lepers than they do to the living dead. Still, while such a
state would probably be a detriment in the films of, say, Lucio Fulci, it actually works for the
zombies in The Grapes of Death, because unlike in other zombie movies, the people in this
film don't have to die to become zombified, they just (apparently) need to suck down some
wine, so it makes sense that they retain some, if not most, of their human characteristics
as they become zombified. I'm rambling here. The bottom line is that in this film, the
zombies are zombie enough when they have to be, while also being French enough when
they have to be.
Score: 3
Zombie Attack Scenes: There are a few zombie attack scenes scattered throughout the
film, but the thing is, seeing as how most of the zombies in The Grapes of Death retain
some semblance of human consciousness and behavior, in these given attack scenes,
you often don't realize that it's a zombie attack scene until after the fact. They're like ninja
zombie attack scenes. By that I mean not that the scenes involve ninjas fighting zombies,
but rather that the zombie attack scenes sneak up on you and surprise you, much like a
ninja would were he trying to assassinate and/or otherwise harm you. All of this raises an
interesting question: if a zombie attack scene happens, only no one realizes that zombies
are involved in it, did it really happen in the first place? Hmmm. This is getting a little too
Zen for me, I think I'm going to just move on to the next category.
Score: 2
Zombie "Orgy" Scenes: Whereas it is, as mentioned in the previous category, difficult to
ascertain when zombie attacks are happening in this movie, such is not the case for the
zombie orgy scene that occurs in The Grapes of Death. This is because, after the character
of Lucy is mercilessly beheaded, the villagers descend upon Elisabeth in a gropingly
perverted way, perverted to such a degree that it made me rethink my use of the phrase
"zombie orgy scene" altogether. I don't know what else I would call such a scene, as
"munchtastic zombie pile-on" just seems unwieldy. Regardless, while ultimately the "orgy"
scene in question doesn't amount to much, it does culminate in a scantily clad zombie
being blown up by dynamite, and that's got to count for something.
Score: 4
yes. As zombies...I'm not sure. In point of fact, I would say that the "zombies" in the movie
bear more of a resemblance to lepers than they do to the living dead. Still, while such a
state would probably be a detriment in the films of, say, Lucio Fulci, it actually works for the
zombies in The Grapes of Death, because unlike in other zombie movies, the people in this
film don't have to die to become zombified, they just (apparently) need to suck down some
wine, so it makes sense that they retain some, if not most, of their human characteristics
as they become zombified. I'm rambling here. The bottom line is that in this film, the
zombies are zombie enough when they have to be, while also being French enough when
they have to be.
Score: 3
Zombie Attack Scenes: There are a few zombie attack scenes scattered throughout the
film, but the thing is, seeing as how most of the zombies in The Grapes of Death retain
some semblance of human consciousness and behavior, in these given attack scenes,
you often don't realize that it's a zombie attack scene until after the fact. They're like ninja
zombie attack scenes. By that I mean not that the scenes involve ninjas fighting zombies,
but rather that the zombie attack scenes sneak up on you and surprise you, much like a
ninja would were he trying to assassinate and/or otherwise harm you. All of this raises an
interesting question: if a zombie attack scene happens, only no one realizes that zombies
are involved in it, did it really happen in the first place? Hmmm. This is getting a little too
Zen for me, I think I'm going to just move on to the next category.
Score: 2
Zombie "Orgy" Scenes: Whereas it is, as mentioned in the previous category, difficult to
ascertain when zombie attacks are happening in this movie, such is not the case for the
zombie orgy scene that occurs in The Grapes of Death. This is because, after the character
of Lucy is mercilessly beheaded, the villagers descend upon Elisabeth in a gropingly
perverted way, perverted to such a degree that it made me rethink my use of the phrase
"zombie orgy scene" altogether. I don't know what else I would call such a scene, as
"munchtastic zombie pile-on" just seems unwieldy. Regardless, while ultimately the "orgy"
scene in question doesn't amount to much, it does culminate in a scantily clad zombie
being blown up by dynamite, and that's got to count for something.
Score: 4
| Davy Jones never looked so good. |
Anti-Zombie Weaponry: The anti-zombie weaponry is employed in this film: guns,
dynamite, and of course, insouciant attitude. Vive la France!
Score: 3
Zombification Explanation: I've indicated a number of times in this review that the cause of
zombification in The Grapes of Death is contaminated wine. That theory is discussed by
the characters in the film, and it would seem to be the obvious conclusion, what with the
film's title and all; but, to its credit, in the tradition of most of the great films of zombie
cinema, The Grapes of Death never officially explains what has caused the zombie
outbreak. That and the fact that the film is, on the whole, stridently pro-beer, means that I'm
awarding a perfect score in this category, just because I can.
Score: 5
Zombie Uniqueness: First and foremost, the zombies in this movie don't have to be dead,
which makes them unlike the living dead in any other zombie movie that I can think of.
Secondly, the zombies are capable of expressing remorse for their actions, which makes
them more like Skoora the Gentle Shark than the undead. Additionally, often times in The
Grapes of Death you can't necessarily tell if a character is a zombie or not. Someone will
seem human enough, only to then turn around and try to kill another character. If that
weren't an interesting enough twist on the traditional post-Night of the Living Dead zombie,
there's also the fact that those who are fully zombified don't really seem interested in eating
people, they really just want to kill. You know--just for the sheer joy of it. And, when they're
not doing that, they just kind of...stand there and leer. Oh, and sometimes they drool. So, I
guess to restate that, when the zombies in this film aren't killing people, they're acting like a
bunch of teenagers wandering around the mall, doped up on Ludes--which, when you think
about it, makes them seem like the zombies in Dawn of the Dead, even though they, as I
mentioned, act nothing like them. WEIRD. To sum up: this is the most unique pile of
zombie uniqueness that I've come across in a long time.
Score: 5
Zombie Consistency: Even though their behavior ranges from "barely zombiefied" to "barely
human" to "totally French", the zombies in The Grapes of Death are consistent in the sense
that they're all creepy and weird. Especially during the part when they all start chanting
"Lucy, I love you." That might not sound creepy and weird, but brother, trust me: it is.
Score: 3
Signature Zombie: There really is no signature zombie in The Grapes of Death. Is this due
to the French undead system? Your guess is as good as mine.
Score: 1
Total Points: 92
Verdict: The Grapes of Death features good performances, a unique take on zombies in
general, and more sores than an island in Hawaii. As such, it has a lot in common with
another 1970s zombie feature reviewed on this site, Tombs of the Blind Dead: it's not quite
essential, but it's close. Aside from nudity that isn't disturbing, I'm not quite sure what Jean
Rollin et al could have done differently to push this movie into fully accredited ZombieTastic
territory, but I do know that if nothing else, The Grapes of Death will live in my mind for quite
some time, as due to its influence, I can confidently say that I will never drink wine again, for
fear of turning into a murderous Frenchman.
Next Time: The Return of the Living Dead
dynamite, and of course, insouciant attitude. Vive la France!
Score: 3
Zombification Explanation: I've indicated a number of times in this review that the cause of
zombification in The Grapes of Death is contaminated wine. That theory is discussed by
the characters in the film, and it would seem to be the obvious conclusion, what with the
film's title and all; but, to its credit, in the tradition of most of the great films of zombie
cinema, The Grapes of Death never officially explains what has caused the zombie
outbreak. That and the fact that the film is, on the whole, stridently pro-beer, means that I'm
awarding a perfect score in this category, just because I can.
Score: 5
Zombie Uniqueness: First and foremost, the zombies in this movie don't have to be dead,
which makes them unlike the living dead in any other zombie movie that I can think of.
Secondly, the zombies are capable of expressing remorse for their actions, which makes
them more like Skoora the Gentle Shark than the undead. Additionally, often times in The
Grapes of Death you can't necessarily tell if a character is a zombie or not. Someone will
seem human enough, only to then turn around and try to kill another character. If that
weren't an interesting enough twist on the traditional post-Night of the Living Dead zombie,
there's also the fact that those who are fully zombified don't really seem interested in eating
people, they really just want to kill. You know--just for the sheer joy of it. And, when they're
not doing that, they just kind of...stand there and leer. Oh, and sometimes they drool. So, I
guess to restate that, when the zombies in this film aren't killing people, they're acting like a
bunch of teenagers wandering around the mall, doped up on Ludes--which, when you think
about it, makes them seem like the zombies in Dawn of the Dead, even though they, as I
mentioned, act nothing like them. WEIRD. To sum up: this is the most unique pile of
zombie uniqueness that I've come across in a long time.
Score: 5
Zombie Consistency: Even though their behavior ranges from "barely zombiefied" to "barely
human" to "totally French", the zombies in The Grapes of Death are consistent in the sense
that they're all creepy and weird. Especially during the part when they all start chanting
"Lucy, I love you." That might not sound creepy and weird, but brother, trust me: it is.
Score: 3
Signature Zombie: There really is no signature zombie in The Grapes of Death. Is this due
to the French undead system? Your guess is as good as mine.
Score: 1
Total Points: 92
Verdict: The Grapes of Death features good performances, a unique take on zombies in
general, and more sores than an island in Hawaii. As such, it has a lot in common with
another 1970s zombie feature reviewed on this site, Tombs of the Blind Dead: it's not quite
essential, but it's close. Aside from nudity that isn't disturbing, I'm not quite sure what Jean
Rollin et al could have done differently to push this movie into fully accredited ZombieTastic
territory, but I do know that if nothing else, The Grapes of Death will live in my mind for quite
some time, as due to its influence, I can confidently say that I will never drink wine again, for
fear of turning into a murderous Frenchman.
Next Time: The Return of the Living Dead
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