The ZombieTastic Review of:
Undead
Undead
Director: Michael and Peter Spierig
Year of Release: 2003
Country of Origin: Australia
Type of Zombie Film: Disease-Outbreak Hodgepodge with Aliens
Also Known as: That Fucked Up Movie with Zombies & Aliens
Part of a series?: No.
The Scoring
Plot: The plot of Undead reminds me of playing checkers with a monkey: it's interesting, but
in hindsight it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Alright, that makes even less sense than
the movie does, which is strange when you consider that all I'm trying to do in the first place
is tell you that the film's plot doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Whatever. All you need to
know is that in the film a town in Australia named Berkeley is bombarded with comet
fragments, and somehow these fragments turn people into flesh-hungry zombies. Then,
some aliens show up and save the day. Seriously.
Score: 2
Exposition: There isn't a whole lot of exposition in Undead, and what's there is handled
mainly through flashbacks and arguing. As a matter of fact, now that I think about it, this
movie features an excessive amount of bickering and arguing. There's arguing about the
Miss Catch of the Day title (more on that later), there's arguing about meteors, there's
arguing about fences, and there's arguing about weaponry. There's so much arguing that,
if I didn't know any better, I'd think I was watching a documentary about my girlfriend and I
instead of a zombie movie (the dead giveaway that it's not about me and my old lady being
that it's set in Australia, but the rest--the fighting, the zombies, the aliens--that's straight out
of my love life).
Score: 3
Year of Release: 2003
Country of Origin: Australia
Type of Zombie Film: Disease-Outbreak Hodgepodge with Aliens
Also Known as: That Fucked Up Movie with Zombies & Aliens
Part of a series?: No.
The Scoring
Plot: The plot of Undead reminds me of playing checkers with a monkey: it's interesting, but
in hindsight it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Alright, that makes even less sense than
the movie does, which is strange when you consider that all I'm trying to do in the first place
is tell you that the film's plot doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Whatever. All you need to
know is that in the film a town in Australia named Berkeley is bombarded with comet
fragments, and somehow these fragments turn people into flesh-hungry zombies. Then,
some aliens show up and save the day. Seriously.
Score: 2
Exposition: There isn't a whole lot of exposition in Undead, and what's there is handled
mainly through flashbacks and arguing. As a matter of fact, now that I think about it, this
movie features an excessive amount of bickering and arguing. There's arguing about the
Miss Catch of the Day title (more on that later), there's arguing about meteors, there's
arguing about fences, and there's arguing about weaponry. There's so much arguing that,
if I didn't know any better, I'd think I was watching a documentary about my girlfriend and I
instead of a zombie movie (the dead giveaway that it's not about me and my old lady being
that it's set in Australia, but the rest--the fighting, the zombies, the aliens--that's straight out
of my love life).
Score: 3
| Which looks lamer, the fence, or the cop's knee-high socks? |
Plausibility: If you consider aliens coming to Australia to prevent an outbreak of living
deadism to be a dubious proposition at best, then (a) you'll probably consider Undead to
rather implausible, and, more importantly (b) I feel sorry for you. Personally speaking, I
don't find the 'invading doctors from outer space' element of this movie to be any more
implausible than I do the notion that the dead are rising from the grave and eating people in
the first place. Rather, what bothers me about this film is a scene early on, in which, after
motorists who are trying to flee Berkeley are involved in a car accident, uninvolved parties
actually stop their cars to check on whether or not anyone's been injured. I have no idea
whether or not this sort of thing is common Down Under; all I know is that in America, the
roadways bring out the worst in people (in the Hobbesian sense of the phrase), and people
are typically too busy talking on their cell phones and/or screaming obscenities at each
other to notice, let alone to stop to check if a motorist is okay. So, to recap: zombie outbreak
= plausible, aliens from outer space coming to Australia to defeat the zombie outbreak =
plausible, motorists actually giving a shit about the welfare of other motorists = totally
implausible.
Score: 3
Production Value: In terms of overall production value, Undead gets an 'A' for 'effort' and an
'F' for execution, which is weird because both of those words start with the letter 'e', and
more importantly there's an 'F' near the beginning of 'effort', so it would make more sense
for that word to start with 'F', except that it would defeat the whole point that I'm trying to
make, which is simply that while the makers of Undead clearly put a lot of effort into the
production of the film, it ultimately fails in many respects on this count. First and perhaps
most importantly, there are the special effects in the film; I will discuss this more in the next
category, but the important point here is that they're pretty cheap looking, and they detract
greatly from the overall vibe of the film. Secondly, the film for some reason frequently shifts
between light and dark extremes in lighting, and it's annoying as shit. I felt like I was having
an eye exam when I was watching this movie, and as we all know, it's a bad sign any time a
movie makes you feel like you're at the doctor's office (for example, it's not for nothing that
people liken watching She's All That to having 2 root canals and a prostate exam
simultaneously).
Score: 2
Special Effects: For an independently produced film, Undead features a veritable
cornucopia of CGI-ization. Alas, as mentioned in the previous category, such effects come
off in the film about as well as the words did in that previous sentence. Confused? So am
I. The point is this: according to information that I have obtained from super secret sources
on the World Wide Interwebs, the makers of Undead spent 9 months in post-production,
working with their home computers to create the effects in the film. Seeing the finished
results, one has to wonder: what type of computer were the film's creators working with
when they created the effects? Judging from the quality of the CGI, I would say it was
probably a ColecoVision. Personally, I don't think CGI and zombie movies are a very good
match. Zombies are all about rotting flesh, bloodbaths, and delicious brains; i.e., the
visceral and the physical, not the digital and the virtual. I find that impact of blood and guts
to be muted by CGI of even the highest quality, let alone that of the low-budget kind. I'm not
a Luddite in general, but in this situation, I say that computers should be used for porn and
solitaire, or not at all.
Score: 1
deadism to be a dubious proposition at best, then (a) you'll probably consider Undead to
rather implausible, and, more importantly (b) I feel sorry for you. Personally speaking, I
don't find the 'invading doctors from outer space' element of this movie to be any more
implausible than I do the notion that the dead are rising from the grave and eating people in
the first place. Rather, what bothers me about this film is a scene early on, in which, after
motorists who are trying to flee Berkeley are involved in a car accident, uninvolved parties
actually stop their cars to check on whether or not anyone's been injured. I have no idea
whether or not this sort of thing is common Down Under; all I know is that in America, the
roadways bring out the worst in people (in the Hobbesian sense of the phrase), and people
are typically too busy talking on their cell phones and/or screaming obscenities at each
other to notice, let alone to stop to check if a motorist is okay. So, to recap: zombie outbreak
= plausible, aliens from outer space coming to Australia to defeat the zombie outbreak =
plausible, motorists actually giving a shit about the welfare of other motorists = totally
implausible.
Score: 3
Production Value: In terms of overall production value, Undead gets an 'A' for 'effort' and an
'F' for execution, which is weird because both of those words start with the letter 'e', and
more importantly there's an 'F' near the beginning of 'effort', so it would make more sense
for that word to start with 'F', except that it would defeat the whole point that I'm trying to
make, which is simply that while the makers of Undead clearly put a lot of effort into the
production of the film, it ultimately fails in many respects on this count. First and perhaps
most importantly, there are the special effects in the film; I will discuss this more in the next
category, but the important point here is that they're pretty cheap looking, and they detract
greatly from the overall vibe of the film. Secondly, the film for some reason frequently shifts
between light and dark extremes in lighting, and it's annoying as shit. I felt like I was having
an eye exam when I was watching this movie, and as we all know, it's a bad sign any time a
movie makes you feel like you're at the doctor's office (for example, it's not for nothing that
people liken watching She's All That to having 2 root canals and a prostate exam
simultaneously).
Score: 2
Special Effects: For an independently produced film, Undead features a veritable
cornucopia of CGI-ization. Alas, as mentioned in the previous category, such effects come
off in the film about as well as the words did in that previous sentence. Confused? So am
I. The point is this: according to information that I have obtained from super secret sources
on the World Wide Interwebs, the makers of Undead spent 9 months in post-production,
working with their home computers to create the effects in the film. Seeing the finished
results, one has to wonder: what type of computer were the film's creators working with
when they created the effects? Judging from the quality of the CGI, I would say it was
probably a ColecoVision. Personally, I don't think CGI and zombie movies are a very good
match. Zombies are all about rotting flesh, bloodbaths, and delicious brains; i.e., the
visceral and the physical, not the digital and the virtual. I find that impact of blood and guts
to be muted by CGI of even the highest quality, let alone that of the low-budget kind. I'm not
a Luddite in general, but in this situation, I say that computers should be used for porn and
solitaire, or not at all.
Score: 1
| Is this gaping chest wound the result of (a) a zombie attack or (b) eating one too many meals at Taco Bell? You tell me. |
Makeup: It's tough to score the makeup effects in Undead. On the one hand, they're
uniformly well executed. On the other hand (one that is different from the hand mentioned
in the previous sentence), the makeup causes the living dead in the film to bear more
resemblance to the vampires from Buffy the Vampire Slayer than to zombies. If your
zombies look like vampires, then what do your vampires look like? The Creature from the
Black Lagoon? That's just weird.
Score: 3
Scariness: There aren't a whole lot of scares in Undead, but there is a scene that is rather
tense in which the protagonists have to escape from a garage. Then again, that might not
be saying much--have you ever tried to exit a garage in Australia? It's one crazy trip, my man
Score: 2
Goriness: If Undead is light on scares, it's at least heavy in one of the other elements
crucial to a good zombie film: the gore. I mean, there's a beheading and a gaping chest
hole before the film's opening titles even have a chance to do their thing. And the carnage
doesn't stop there--other instances of butchery include a zombie being sliced in half,
organs spilling out of various zombies, and a face being ripped off. I'll tell you, between the
gore in Undead (from Australia) and the gore in Dead Alive (from New Zealand), I'm
beginning to think that there's something seriously creepy going on in the southwestern
Pacific. I hesitate to make that claim, because I don't like to generalize, and I've never seen
a zombie movie from Fiji or New Caledonia. Still, one has to wonder...
Score: 4
uniformly well executed. On the other hand (one that is different from the hand mentioned
in the previous sentence), the makeup causes the living dead in the film to bear more
resemblance to the vampires from Buffy the Vampire Slayer than to zombies. If your
zombies look like vampires, then what do your vampires look like? The Creature from the
Black Lagoon? That's just weird.
Score: 3
Scariness: There aren't a whole lot of scares in Undead, but there is a scene that is rather
tense in which the protagonists have to escape from a garage. Then again, that might not
be saying much--have you ever tried to exit a garage in Australia? It's one crazy trip, my man
Score: 2
Goriness: If Undead is light on scares, it's at least heavy in one of the other elements
crucial to a good zombie film: the gore. I mean, there's a beheading and a gaping chest
hole before the film's opening titles even have a chance to do their thing. And the carnage
doesn't stop there--other instances of butchery include a zombie being sliced in half,
organs spilling out of various zombies, and a face being ripped off. I'll tell you, between the
gore in Undead (from Australia) and the gore in Dead Alive (from New Zealand), I'm
beginning to think that there's something seriously creepy going on in the southwestern
Pacific. I hesitate to make that claim, because I don't like to generalize, and I've never seen
a zombie movie from Fiji or New Caledonia. Still, one has to wonder...
Score: 4
| I haven't seen a car this messy since I went for a drive with Matthew Perry. |
Final Scene: After the aliens come and stop the zombie outbreak by erecting a giant fence
and making everyone levitate (seriously), the day is saved. Until the final scene however;
after a dude who wasn't cured by the aliens goes into the hospital and starts the zombie
plague anew, we're treated to a newscast-voiceover explaining that the living dead are back
and better than ever, thereby underscoring the truth of that old saying: zombify me once,
shame on the Australians, zombify me twice, shame on the aliens. Just because that line
is ridiculously lame, it doesn't mean that it's not true.
Score: 3
Comedy: There is a fair amount of intentional comedy in Undead--this should be obvious
from the fact that character names include Melvin "Chip" Chipperson and Aggie Whipple.
Overall, most of the comedy is done on the sly; is this because the filmmakers were trying
to be restrained, or because they couldn't come up with enough gags and so tried to play
the gags that they did have in an understated fashion? I don't know the answer to that. I do
know that the conversation between two of the aliens is reasonably funny, but that in a film
in which, as I've stated, aliens arrive on Earth to stop a zombie outbreak, there should have
been a lot more laughs. When aliens don't joke around enough, everybody loses.
Score: 3
Originality: Undead features something that I've never seen in any zombie movie, ever: 5 of
its first 6 scenes involve people talking on the phone. Why? I have no idea. I will say that
the only other film in recent memory that I can recall that featured so much
telephone-centric action is Phone Booth, and what with the title of that film, they were sort of
compelled to make their action phone-based. Because it was called Phone Booth. Not so
with Undead. Honestly, if I didn't know any better, I would say that Telstra** surreptitiously
financed the project as some sort of experimental viral marketing campaign. (Get it? Viral
marketing in a movie about a viral outbreak that creates zombies? See what I'm saying
here? Alright, I agree, that joke sucked. Let's just move on.)
There are other things that occur in Undead that reek of originality (a phenomenon known
as the Tom Waits Effect, so named because the man is highly original, but also highly
smelly), including a wide variety of anti-zombie weaponry (more on that later) and the whole
alien thing, which, while weird, is definitely unique. Ultimately though, I would say that the
most original thing about Undead is that it dares to rip-off an astonishingly diverse group of
films, including Men in Black, Desperado, The Professional, Fire in the Sky, Starman, Evil
Dead 2 and/or Army of Darkness, to name but a few. Personally, I think it's really original to
rip off a lot of non-zombie movies in a zombie movie. Plus, larceny on such a scale takes
massive cajones, which is something that should be recognized. Kudos to you, makers of
Undead.
**Editor's Note: Let's pause and say 'thanks' for the Internet, for were it not for the
tube-based awesomeness of the global interwebs, there may not have been anyway for us
here at ZombieTastic to find out the name of an Australian phone company. We're living in
a golden age.
Score: 5
and making everyone levitate (seriously), the day is saved. Until the final scene however;
after a dude who wasn't cured by the aliens goes into the hospital and starts the zombie
plague anew, we're treated to a newscast-voiceover explaining that the living dead are back
and better than ever, thereby underscoring the truth of that old saying: zombify me once,
shame on the Australians, zombify me twice, shame on the aliens. Just because that line
is ridiculously lame, it doesn't mean that it's not true.
Score: 3
Comedy: There is a fair amount of intentional comedy in Undead--this should be obvious
from the fact that character names include Melvin "Chip" Chipperson and Aggie Whipple.
Overall, most of the comedy is done on the sly; is this because the filmmakers were trying
to be restrained, or because they couldn't come up with enough gags and so tried to play
the gags that they did have in an understated fashion? I don't know the answer to that. I do
know that the conversation between two of the aliens is reasonably funny, but that in a film
in which, as I've stated, aliens arrive on Earth to stop a zombie outbreak, there should have
been a lot more laughs. When aliens don't joke around enough, everybody loses.
Score: 3
Originality: Undead features something that I've never seen in any zombie movie, ever: 5 of
its first 6 scenes involve people talking on the phone. Why? I have no idea. I will say that
the only other film in recent memory that I can recall that featured so much
telephone-centric action is Phone Booth, and what with the title of that film, they were sort of
compelled to make their action phone-based. Because it was called Phone Booth. Not so
with Undead. Honestly, if I didn't know any better, I would say that Telstra** surreptitiously
financed the project as some sort of experimental viral marketing campaign. (Get it? Viral
marketing in a movie about a viral outbreak that creates zombies? See what I'm saying
here? Alright, I agree, that joke sucked. Let's just move on.)
There are other things that occur in Undead that reek of originality (a phenomenon known
as the Tom Waits Effect, so named because the man is highly original, but also highly
smelly), including a wide variety of anti-zombie weaponry (more on that later) and the whole
alien thing, which, while weird, is definitely unique. Ultimately though, I would say that the
most original thing about Undead is that it dares to rip-off an astonishingly diverse group of
films, including Men in Black, Desperado, The Professional, Fire in the Sky, Starman, Evil
Dead 2 and/or Army of Darkness, to name but a few. Personally, I think it's really original to
rip off a lot of non-zombie movies in a zombie movie. Plus, larceny on such a scale takes
massive cajones, which is something that should be recognized. Kudos to you, makers of
Undead.
**Editor's Note: Let's pause and say 'thanks' for the Internet, for were it not for the
tube-based awesomeness of the global interwebs, there may not have been anyway for us
here at ZombieTastic to find out the name of an Australian phone company. We're living in
a golden age.
Score: 5
| Zombies and watches go together like peanut butter and jelly. |
Rewatchability: The repeat viewing factor of Undead is something that I've been wondering
about, because Netflix is selling used copies of the film for a mere $5.99, which, what with
today's gasoline prices, is an incredible bargain. That being said, I have yet to purchase it,
because I really don't feel that I ever have to see this movie again, ever. $5.99 is cheap, but
it's just not cheap enough.
Score: 1
Datedness: I think the "special effects" (the aforementioned crappy-ass-CGI) definitely date
Undead. After all, as we all know, in the future, people will be able to create world-class (by
today's standards) CGI effects on their wristwatches. It will be a shitty era for movies, but a
glorious one for timepieces.
Score: 2
Soundtrack: The soundtrack to Undead suffers from what I call "Bill Murray Syndrome",
which means that it's 10 times as talented as Chevy Chase. PSYCH. Well, I mean psych in
the sense that that's not really what "Bill Murray Syndrome" means, but not psych in the
sense that Bill Murray is 10 times as talented as Chevy Chase, because he's at least that
and then some. What were we talking about? Oh yeah: the soundtrack. It suffers from "Bill
Murray Syndrome", which means that it tries to sound whacky in some parts and overly
intense in others. So, it wants you to acknowledge its zaniness whilst also taking it
seriously-- that's Bill Murray all the way.
Score: 2
about, because Netflix is selling used copies of the film for a mere $5.99, which, what with
today's gasoline prices, is an incredible bargain. That being said, I have yet to purchase it,
because I really don't feel that I ever have to see this movie again, ever. $5.99 is cheap, but
it's just not cheap enough.
Score: 1
Datedness: I think the "special effects" (the aforementioned crappy-ass-CGI) definitely date
Undead. After all, as we all know, in the future, people will be able to create world-class (by
today's standards) CGI effects on their wristwatches. It will be a shitty era for movies, but a
glorious one for timepieces.
Score: 2
Soundtrack: The soundtrack to Undead suffers from what I call "Bill Murray Syndrome",
which means that it's 10 times as talented as Chevy Chase. PSYCH. Well, I mean psych in
the sense that that's not really what "Bill Murray Syndrome" means, but not psych in the
sense that Bill Murray is 10 times as talented as Chevy Chase, because he's at least that
and then some. What were we talking about? Oh yeah: the soundtrack. It suffers from "Bill
Murray Syndrome", which means that it tries to sound whacky in some parts and overly
intense in others. So, it wants you to acknowledge its zaniness whilst also taking it
seriously-- that's Bill Murray all the way.
Score: 2
| Just another lazy Saturday on the front porch. |
Breast Factor/Nudity: Stripping down to one's undies would normally merit a decent score
in this category; however, as the stripping down to one's undies in Undead occurs because
someone is being de-loused, I think that the situation is a little different. As Hugh Hefner
once said, delousing ain't sexy.
Score: 1
Lead Actor: Felicity Mason as Rene, a character who, in the film, is a holder of the coveted
(although I have no idea why) Miss Catch of the Day title. Felicity Mason does a fine job in
the role, although I could never figure out why the character herself seemed to resent
having capture the Miss Catch of the Day crown in the first place. If you don't want to be Miss
Catch of the Day, don't enter yourself in the running, that's what I say.
Score: 3
Sidekick(s)/Love Interest: Mungo McKay as Marion. The character of Marion is sort of an
updated version of Crocodile Dundee, and from the moment we meet him, we know that
his Earthiness, pluckiness and pragmatism will carry the day and allow him to triumph over
any obstacle in his way. Until he dies, that is.
Score: 3
Overall Cast: The overall cast in Undead is quite good--they work well together, and most of
the actors seem well cast in their parts. However, that doesn't alleviate the creepiness
brought on by the realization that none of the characters in the film have last names.
Seriously, look at Undead's Imdb page if you don't believe me. Isn't that weird? No? Okay
then.
Score: 3
Token Scientist: Number of phenomena in Undead that a scientist could study and
become as famous as Einstein, Stephen Hawking, and Bill Nye combined: at least 6.5**.
Number of scientists actually on-hand in Undead to study said phenomena: 0. What the
shit?
**These are, for the record:
1. Zombie plague.
2. Extraterrestrials.
2.5 Extraterrestrials who are apparently experts in medically treating the effects of
zombification.
3. Spontaneous, gigantic magic fence.
4. Levitating humans.
5. Fish attacking people.
6. That curious "no one has a last name" phenomenon mentioned previously--I still say that
that is fucked up.
Score: 1
in this category; however, as the stripping down to one's undies in Undead occurs because
someone is being de-loused, I think that the situation is a little different. As Hugh Hefner
once said, delousing ain't sexy.
Score: 1
Lead Actor: Felicity Mason as Rene, a character who, in the film, is a holder of the coveted
(although I have no idea why) Miss Catch of the Day title. Felicity Mason does a fine job in
the role, although I could never figure out why the character herself seemed to resent
having capture the Miss Catch of the Day crown in the first place. If you don't want to be Miss
Catch of the Day, don't enter yourself in the running, that's what I say.
Score: 3
Sidekick(s)/Love Interest: Mungo McKay as Marion. The character of Marion is sort of an
updated version of Crocodile Dundee, and from the moment we meet him, we know that
his Earthiness, pluckiness and pragmatism will carry the day and allow him to triumph over
any obstacle in his way. Until he dies, that is.
Score: 3
Overall Cast: The overall cast in Undead is quite good--they work well together, and most of
the actors seem well cast in their parts. However, that doesn't alleviate the creepiness
brought on by the realization that none of the characters in the film have last names.
Seriously, look at Undead's Imdb page if you don't believe me. Isn't that weird? No? Okay
then.
Score: 3
Token Scientist: Number of phenomena in Undead that a scientist could study and
become as famous as Einstein, Stephen Hawking, and Bill Nye combined: at least 6.5**.
Number of scientists actually on-hand in Undead to study said phenomena: 0. What the
shit?
**These are, for the record:
1. Zombie plague.
2. Extraterrestrials.
2.5 Extraterrestrials who are apparently experts in medically treating the effects of
zombification.
3. Spontaneous, gigantic magic fence.
4. Levitating humans.
5. Fish attacking people.
6. That curious "no one has a last name" phenomenon mentioned previously--I still say that
that is fucked up.
Score: 1
| This makes me think more of the dorm I lived in during my freshman year of college than it does of a zombie outbreak. |
Token Fat Guy: Undead features no token fat guy, which is really quite surprising when you
consider that the movie takes place in Australia.
Score: 1
Best Line: Undead's best line comes down to a mano-a-mano fight between "Aggie has the
keys, but she doesn't have a brain!" and perhaps the greatest summary of a bad situation
that I've ever heard: "Giant walls...acid rain...zombies." Okay, I'll admit it: those weren't
necessarily the best lines, but, what with all of the Australian accents, they were pretty much
the only two lines in the film that I'm at least 90% certain that I heard correctly. Perhaps I
should have watched the film with the subtitles on, but that would have required, you know,
effort.
Score: 2
Intangibles: Undead takes the apocalyptic aspects of War of the Worlds and combines
them with the cheekiness of Tremors, which is actually a pretty cool combo when you think
about it. And now that I do think about it, I realize that I probably should have listed these
movies in the 'Originality' category along with all the other films that Undead samples from.
And now that I think of that, I realize that that improves the film's score in the 'Intangibles'
category just a little bit, because any film that can rip off other films in an obvious fashion
whilst also ripping off other films in a totally non-obvious fashion has something going for it.
What that something is, I have no idea.
Score: 3
consider that the movie takes place in Australia.
Score: 1
Best Line: Undead's best line comes down to a mano-a-mano fight between "Aggie has the
keys, but she doesn't have a brain!" and perhaps the greatest summary of a bad situation
that I've ever heard: "Giant walls...acid rain...zombies." Okay, I'll admit it: those weren't
necessarily the best lines, but, what with all of the Australian accents, they were pretty much
the only two lines in the film that I'm at least 90% certain that I heard correctly. Perhaps I
should have watched the film with the subtitles on, but that would have required, you know,
effort.
Score: 2
Intangibles: Undead takes the apocalyptic aspects of War of the Worlds and combines
them with the cheekiness of Tremors, which is actually a pretty cool combo when you think
about it. And now that I do think about it, I realize that I probably should have listed these
movies in the 'Originality' category along with all the other films that Undead samples from.
And now that I think of that, I realize that that improves the film's score in the 'Intangibles'
category just a little bit, because any film that can rip off other films in an obvious fashion
whilst also ripping off other films in a totally non-obvious fashion has something going for it.
What that something is, I have no idea.
Score: 3
| The zombie that controls the Sun, controls the universe! |
Zombie Believability: Are the zombies in Undead believable? Well, aside from the
previously mentioned fact that they look more like vampires than zombies, I'll say this: in the
notes I took while viewing the film, I wrote down "pale and wrinkly" for this category. I have
absolutely no idea what I was getting at there, but I will say this: "pale and wrinkly" is a
description adequate for swine, not for zombies.
Score: 2
Zombie Attack Scenes: Undead contains an abundant number of attack scenes; hell, the
zombies start attacking before we ever even see or realize that they're zombies in the first
place, which I guess is sort of the living dead equivalent to tuning your guitar before putting
strings on it. I have no idea what that means; what I do know is that not only does Undead
feature many attack scenes, but instead of limiting the action to one or two main locations
(like most zombie movies do), the attack scenes in this film happen in a variety of places,
including the side of the road, a house, a garage, a supermarket, and a hospital. And one
of them involves a little girl punching out someone's brain. While some of the effects in
Undead are questionable, at least the film's makers know how to deliver the
zombie-attack-goods.
Score: 4
previously mentioned fact that they look more like vampires than zombies, I'll say this: in the
notes I took while viewing the film, I wrote down "pale and wrinkly" for this category. I have
absolutely no idea what I was getting at there, but I will say this: "pale and wrinkly" is a
description adequate for swine, not for zombies.
Score: 2
Zombie Attack Scenes: Undead contains an abundant number of attack scenes; hell, the
zombies start attacking before we ever even see or realize that they're zombies in the first
place, which I guess is sort of the living dead equivalent to tuning your guitar before putting
strings on it. I have no idea what that means; what I do know is that not only does Undead
feature many attack scenes, but instead of limiting the action to one or two main locations
(like most zombie movies do), the attack scenes in this film happen in a variety of places,
including the side of the road, a house, a garage, a supermarket, and a hospital. And one
of them involves a little girl punching out someone's brain. While some of the effects in
Undead are questionable, at least the film's makers know how to deliver the
zombie-attack-goods.
Score: 4
| Nothing stops a zombie like a shovel through the head. |
Zombie "Orgy" Scenes: Alas, the zombie attack momentum doesn't carry over into zombie
"orgy" awesomeness, because by my count, there are exactly zero zombie "orgies" in
Undead. I'm not sure why this is--perhaps the budget wasn't there for a full-on zombie
"orgy"? Then again, maybe there aren't any because the film takes place in rural Australia,
and there just aren't that many people out there to begin with, let alone to zombify and orgy it
up. You can't have an orgy without a lot of people, after all. Peter North said that.
Score: 1
Anti-Zombie Weaponry: Undead features three types of anti-zombie weapons. The first
type: your every day zombie-stopping implements. These include a tree branch, handguns,
a truck, and a shovel. The second type of weapons: those that are totally unique to this film.
These include a "Club" (you know, that anti-theft device that people carry around in their
cars), and a shotgun that has been specially modified (possibly by Charlton Heston) to
have not one, not two, but three barrels. The third type of weapon used is that most
Australian of anti-zombie, nay, that most Australian of weaponry in general: the head-butt. I
for one respect any person who's willing to fight the living dead with his or her skull. I also
appreciate the irony of this: as we all know, zombies love to eat people's brains**, so to fight
a zombie with one's head is one heck of a bitchslap. Take that, living dead.
**See The Return of the Living Dead for more information on this.
Score: 5
"orgy" awesomeness, because by my count, there are exactly zero zombie "orgies" in
Undead. I'm not sure why this is--perhaps the budget wasn't there for a full-on zombie
"orgy"? Then again, maybe there aren't any because the film takes place in rural Australia,
and there just aren't that many people out there to begin with, let alone to zombify and orgy it
up. You can't have an orgy without a lot of people, after all. Peter North said that.
Score: 1
Anti-Zombie Weaponry: Undead features three types of anti-zombie weapons. The first
type: your every day zombie-stopping implements. These include a tree branch, handguns,
a truck, and a shovel. The second type of weapons: those that are totally unique to this film.
These include a "Club" (you know, that anti-theft device that people carry around in their
cars), and a shotgun that has been specially modified (possibly by Charlton Heston) to
have not one, not two, but three barrels. The third type of weapon used is that most
Australian of anti-zombie, nay, that most Australian of weaponry in general: the head-butt. I
for one respect any person who's willing to fight the living dead with his or her skull. I also
appreciate the irony of this: as we all know, zombies love to eat people's brains**, so to fight
a zombie with one's head is one heck of a bitchslap. Take that, living dead.
**See The Return of the Living Dead for more information on this.
Score: 5
| That's not a knife...that's a knife! |
Zombification Explanation: I think people in Undead become the undead in Undead after
meteor fragments cause them to be converted to the undead (in Undead). It's all very
straightforward when you think about it.
Score: 3
Zombie Uniqueness: While the zombies in Undead aren't particularly unique (aside from
the fact that they look like vampires), I will say that the film at least boldly wades into
unfamiliar waters (literally) by introducing some zombie fish into the plot. Sure, many
zombie movies feature water, and Zombi 2 features a classic "zombie vs. shark" grudge
match, but that being said, no one has tried zombie fish specifically, and there's something
nice and, you know, ironical about fish biting fisherman.
Score: 3
meteor fragments cause them to be converted to the undead (in Undead). It's all very
straightforward when you think about it.
Score: 3
Zombie Uniqueness: While the zombies in Undead aren't particularly unique (aside from
the fact that they look like vampires), I will say that the film at least boldly wades into
unfamiliar waters (literally) by introducing some zombie fish into the plot. Sure, many
zombie movies feature water, and Zombi 2 features a classic "zombie vs. shark" grudge
match, but that being said, no one has tried zombie fish specifically, and there's something
nice and, you know, ironical about fish biting fisherman.
Score: 3
| May I recommend the zombie fish cutlet? It's superb. |
Zombie Consistency: The zombies in Undead are consistent in appearance in behavior, in
the sense that while they behave like zombies, they look like vampires. Have I made that
point enough in this review? In case I haven't, here it is again: the zombies in Undead look
like vampires. But, at least they do it consistently, right?
Score: 4
Signature Zombie: Undead does not feature a signature zombie. In most cases, this would
warrant a score of '1' in this category, BUT, considering that the film does at least have a
signature alien, we'll let things slide just a bit.
Score: 2
the sense that while they behave like zombies, they look like vampires. Have I made that
point enough in this review? In case I haven't, here it is again: the zombies in Undead look
like vampires. But, at least they do it consistently, right?
Score: 4
Signature Zombie: Undead does not feature a signature zombie. In most cases, this would
warrant a score of '1' in this category, BUT, considering that the film does at least have a
signature alien, we'll let things slide just a bit.
Score: 2
| Seriously, can anyone tell me what the fuck is happening in this movie? |
Total Points: 77
Verdict: Undead...what do we make of it? Sure it had some cool zombie attack scenes,
and sure it had some gore, and sure it had some decent performances and comedy, but it
also had an incomprehensible plot and horrible special effects. Ultimately, I suppose I will
have to tiredly paraphrase an already tiredly paraphrased line and say that of all the zombie
movies released in the new millennium, Undead is definitely one of them.
Next Time: Cemetery Man
Verdict: Undead...what do we make of it? Sure it had some cool zombie attack scenes,
and sure it had some gore, and sure it had some decent performances and comedy, but it
also had an incomprehensible plot and horrible special effects. Ultimately, I suppose I will
have to tiredly paraphrase an already tiredly paraphrased line and say that of all the zombie
movies released in the new millennium, Undead is definitely one of them.
Next Time: Cemetery Man
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