The ZombieTastic Review of:
Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror
Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror
Director: Andrea Bianchi
Year of Release: 1981
Country of Origin: Italy
Type of Zombie Film: Zombie Siege with Incest.
Also Known as: Le Manoir de la terreur, Burial Ground (without the
"Nights of Terror" part), Nights of Terror (without the "Burial Ground"
part), Die Rückkehr der Zombies (without the "Nights of Terror" or
"Burial Ground" parts), Zombie 3 (which is not the same Lucio Fulci's Zombi 3), The
Zombie Dead (confused yet?), and Zombi Horror.
Part of a series?: No.
The Scoring
Plot: Burial Ground's plot is about as straightforward and streamlined as they come: a
bunch of people, while on vacation in a country home, get eaten by a bunch of zombies.
That's pretty much all that happens in this movie. Well, aside from this weird incest subplot
that culminates in a lady getting her boob bitten off by her zombiefied son. Other than that
though, Burial Ground is pretty standard stuff.
Score: 3
Year of Release: 1981
Country of Origin: Italy
Type of Zombie Film: Zombie Siege with Incest.
Also Known as: Le Manoir de la terreur, Burial Ground (without the
"Nights of Terror" part), Nights of Terror (without the "Burial Ground"
part), Die Rückkehr der Zombies (without the "Nights of Terror" or
"Burial Ground" parts), Zombie 3 (which is not the same Lucio Fulci's Zombi 3), The
Zombie Dead (confused yet?), and Zombi Horror.
Part of a series?: No.
The Scoring
Plot: Burial Ground's plot is about as straightforward and streamlined as they come: a
bunch of people, while on vacation in a country home, get eaten by a bunch of zombies.
That's pretty much all that happens in this movie. Well, aside from this weird incest subplot
that culminates in a lady getting her boob bitten off by her zombiefied son. Other than that
though, Burial Ground is pretty standard stuff.
Score: 3
| A zombie, doing what zombies do best: eating a dude. |
Exposition: Towards the beginning of the film, there's mention of a professor (a professor
of what, we're never told--but judging by the man's appearance, he must have a PhD in
beardology) studying "Etruscan magical practices", and that's pretty much it for exposition in
Burial Ground. You're never completely sure who the zombies are, who the humans are,
why the aforementioned zombies are attacking the also aforementioned humans, why the
professor has such a long beard, or what the Etruscan magical practices have to do with
anything. All things considered, this lack of exposition is annoying --especially the part
about the professor's beard. I would have loved to have learned more about it.
Score: 3
Plausibility: Burial Ground features a 26-year old man in the role of a child. Somehow, he
more or less pulls the role off. The point is, if you can accept such casting, you can accept
virtually everything that happens in this movie. That being said, I feel compelled to ask: if
you were staying in a musty old house in the middle of nowhere and found a bunch of
musty old underwear in a musty old trunk, would you immediately don said underwear,
thereby making yourself musty? You would? Never mind, then.
Score: 3
of what, we're never told--but judging by the man's appearance, he must have a PhD in
beardology) studying "Etruscan magical practices", and that's pretty much it for exposition in
Burial Ground. You're never completely sure who the zombies are, who the humans are,
why the aforementioned zombies are attacking the also aforementioned humans, why the
professor has such a long beard, or what the Etruscan magical practices have to do with
anything. All things considered, this lack of exposition is annoying --especially the part
about the professor's beard. I would have loved to have learned more about it.
Score: 3
Plausibility: Burial Ground features a 26-year old man in the role of a child. Somehow, he
more or less pulls the role off. The point is, if you can accept such casting, you can accept
virtually everything that happens in this movie. That being said, I feel compelled to ask: if
you were staying in a musty old house in the middle of nowhere and found a bunch of
musty old underwear in a musty old trunk, would you immediately don said underwear,
thereby making yourself musty? You would? Never mind, then.
Score: 3
| The best business idea ever: zombie valets. |
Production Value: Let me make this brief: you want production value? How about this: the
producers of this film rented three cars and a house for this film, AND they faked a bear
trap. Impressed? You should be.
Score: 2
Special Effects: There are really only two things in Burial Ground that could be classified
as "special effects", although for the sake of accuracy they probably should be called
"Special-Ed effects." The first of these is the amazing shot wherein a bunch of light bulbs
explode. Yeah. Exploding light bulbs. Great. Setting aside the fact that there's no actual
reason presented for why the light bulbs are doing all of the exploding in the first place, it's
clear that the makers of Burial Ground thought this "effect" was pretty cool, because they
linger on the exploding light bulbs for a good long while, showing us filament detonating in
stunning slo-mo. I don't know about you, but the next time a bulb blows when I turn on a
light switch, I'll be sure to note the cinematic magic that I just experienced in my very own
home.
Aside from all the bulb popping, the only other effect on display is when a woman's "head"
gets pulled through a shattered window, supposedly shredding it in the process. Let me
put it to you this way: this shot is so fake, it makes Posh Spice's breasts look real. Yeah.
Think about it.
Score: 1
producers of this film rented three cars and a house for this film, AND they faked a bear
trap. Impressed? You should be.
Score: 2
Special Effects: There are really only two things in Burial Ground that could be classified
as "special effects", although for the sake of accuracy they probably should be called
"Special-Ed effects." The first of these is the amazing shot wherein a bunch of light bulbs
explode. Yeah. Exploding light bulbs. Great. Setting aside the fact that there's no actual
reason presented for why the light bulbs are doing all of the exploding in the first place, it's
clear that the makers of Burial Ground thought this "effect" was pretty cool, because they
linger on the exploding light bulbs for a good long while, showing us filament detonating in
stunning slo-mo. I don't know about you, but the next time a bulb blows when I turn on a
light switch, I'll be sure to note the cinematic magic that I just experienced in my very own
home.
Aside from all the bulb popping, the only other effect on display is when a woman's "head"
gets pulled through a shattered window, supposedly shredding it in the process. Let me
put it to you this way: this shot is so fake, it makes Posh Spice's breasts look real. Yeah.
Think about it.
Score: 1
| Behold: the horrifying horrificness of SPONTANEOUSLY EXPLODING LIGHTBULBS! |
Makeup: I would liken the makeup in Burial Ground to being like using a Saturn to take a
road trip. Sure, you get where you're going, but it's a noisy ride, and you look kind of dorky
doing it. Do you see what I'm saying here? I hope so, but then again, the preceding
analogy was brought to you FREE OF CHARGE, so ultimately, who gives a shit?
Score: 3
road trip. Sure, you get where you're going, but it's a noisy ride, and you look kind of dorky
doing it. Do you see what I'm saying here? I hope so, but then again, the preceding
analogy was brought to you FREE OF CHARGE, so ultimately, who gives a shit?
Score: 3
| Amazing realism, wouldn't you agree?. Take my word for it: this entire sequence is SEAMLESS. |
Scariness: While Burial Ground is light on scares in general, I must say that on a
conceptual level it's kind of creepy. What I mean is, unlike most zombies, the ones in Burial
Ground are smart, they're well-armed, they're organized, and they're relentless. Let's face it:
they're like the undead A-Team, except without as many witty one-liners. And that's pretty
damn freaky when you think about it.
Score: 3
Goriness: Burial Ground features several shots of zombies munching on guts, numerous
instances of blood being splattered on walls, multiple stabbings, a couple of beheadings,
and a zombie with maggots all over its face. In other words, there's a reasonable amount
of gore in Burial Ground. Well, reasonable for a zombie movie, that is. I would say that it
would be an unreasonable amount of gore for, say, a Fellini movie. But for a zombie movie,
it's just right. Yes.
Score: 3
conceptual level it's kind of creepy. What I mean is, unlike most zombies, the ones in Burial
Ground are smart, they're well-armed, they're organized, and they're relentless. Let's face it:
they're like the undead A-Team, except without as many witty one-liners. And that's pretty
damn freaky when you think about it.
Score: 3
Goriness: Burial Ground features several shots of zombies munching on guts, numerous
instances of blood being splattered on walls, multiple stabbings, a couple of beheadings,
and a zombie with maggots all over its face. In other words, there's a reasonable amount
of gore in Burial Ground. Well, reasonable for a zombie movie, that is. I would say that it
would be an unreasonable amount of gore for, say, a Fellini movie. But for a zombie movie,
it's just right. Yes.
Score: 3
| May I suggest Bob's spleen? It's excellent. |
Final Scene: After surviving the night despite their unbelievable, almost overwhelming
stupidity (more on this later), the film's remaining characters flee the mansion that they've
been holed up in. Do they then go to the nearest town to find help? No--they lock
themselves inside what appears to be a model maker's workshop, a workshop that just so
happens to be surrounded by zombies. These zombies, as zombies are prone to do, then
move in and eat everyone. That's what we call "strategery." Perhaps most importantly, the
final scene resolves the aforementioned "weird incest" subplot when the character of
Michael, now zombiefied, bites off his mother's breast, thereby proving the old adage that if
you're going to have a disturbing incest subplot in your zombie movie, you should wrap it up
with a bit of delicious (literally) Oedipal irony. Too true.
Anyways, as the scene draws to a close, and the last surviving human is set upon by
hungry zombies, the film freezes on said last surviving human, and then, this is printed on
the screen: "The earth shall tremble....graves shall open....they shall come among the living
as messengers of death and there shall be the nigths of terror...."; this is followed by
"Profecy of the Black Spider". First of all, thanks for spelling nights ("nigths") and prophecy
("Profecy") incorrectly--we really appreciate the effort. Secondly, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS
SUPPOSED TO MEAN? Who or what is the black spider? Why is it making prophecies?
And what does any of that have to do with anything in Burial Ground? COME ON. The final
scene is actually pretty chilling, and then this shit splashes across the screen and ruins
everything. It's like having to give a book report in your seventh grade English class and
doing it really well, except then you fart right as you're saying the last word, and you ruin the
whole thing. What a gip.
Score: 2
stupidity (more on this later), the film's remaining characters flee the mansion that they've
been holed up in. Do they then go to the nearest town to find help? No--they lock
themselves inside what appears to be a model maker's workshop, a workshop that just so
happens to be surrounded by zombies. These zombies, as zombies are prone to do, then
move in and eat everyone. That's what we call "strategery." Perhaps most importantly, the
final scene resolves the aforementioned "weird incest" subplot when the character of
Michael, now zombiefied, bites off his mother's breast, thereby proving the old adage that if
you're going to have a disturbing incest subplot in your zombie movie, you should wrap it up
with a bit of delicious (literally) Oedipal irony. Too true.
Anyways, as the scene draws to a close, and the last surviving human is set upon by
hungry zombies, the film freezes on said last surviving human, and then, this is printed on
the screen: "The earth shall tremble....graves shall open....they shall come among the living
as messengers of death and there shall be the nigths of terror...."; this is followed by
"Profecy of the Black Spider". First of all, thanks for spelling nights ("nigths") and prophecy
("Profecy") incorrectly--we really appreciate the effort. Secondly, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS
SUPPOSED TO MEAN? Who or what is the black spider? Why is it making prophecies?
And what does any of that have to do with anything in Burial Ground? COME ON. The final
scene is actually pretty chilling, and then this shit splashes across the screen and ruins
everything. It's like having to give a book report in your seventh grade English class and
doing it really well, except then you fart right as you're saying the last word, and you ruin the
whole thing. What a gip.
Score: 2
| Uh, yeah...whatever you say. |
Rewatchability: As it's a reasonably competently crafted zombie film, Burial Ground is
definitely worth repeat viewings, just not too close to each other, lest you want to see a
lady's boob chewed off as frequently as possible. And now that I think about it, who
wouldn't?
Score: 4
Datedness: Being an Italian production, Burial Ground predictably falls into the trap known
as the Ye Olde European Zombie Film Fenomenon (aka, the YOEZ double-F) common to
zombie movies produced in Europe (see, for example, The Grapes of Death). Put simply,
the YOEZ double-F makes it virtually impossible for a viewer to tell if a movie is dated,
because while the characters are dressed in clothes from another time, one has no way of
knowing if their threads are a function of (a) the film being from a different era or (b) the film
being European and so unbelievably hip that its production designer has latched onto a
retro fashion style months or years before the rest of the world has. Fortunately, we have
the IMDB, so we can see for sure that Burial Ground was released in 1981, and therefore,
the clothes sported within are simply relics of another time. Everybody got that?
Score: 2
Soundtrack: Burial Ground features two types of music: mystical bubbly keyboards, and
swinging jazz. The use of each of these types of music is determined by who happens to
be on screen at a given time. If it's a zombie: keyboards; if it's a horny Italian vacationer:
swinging jazz. Works for me.
Score: 3
Breast Factor/Nudity: Any fan of the zombie genre will tell you that there are three types of
nudity in a zombie movie: no nudity, good nudity, and bad nudity. Amazingly, Burial Ground
manages to cover all three of these in less than 90 minutes. For the early part of the film,
there's a reasonable amount of good nudity. Then, the film veers into non-nude territory for
a good long while. Then, bad nudity rears its ugly, sneering head in the form of that gross
tit-bite that I, for some reason, can't seem to stop bringing up in this review. So let's recap:
this film takes the good, it takes the bad, it takes them both, and there you have...various
types of nudity. Something tells me that Mrs. Garrett wouldn't approve. Alright, I'll admit it: I
have no idea what I'm even talking about at this point.
Score: 3
definitely worth repeat viewings, just not too close to each other, lest you want to see a
lady's boob chewed off as frequently as possible. And now that I think about it, who
wouldn't?
Score: 4
Datedness: Being an Italian production, Burial Ground predictably falls into the trap known
as the Ye Olde European Zombie Film Fenomenon (aka, the YOEZ double-F) common to
zombie movies produced in Europe (see, for example, The Grapes of Death). Put simply,
the YOEZ double-F makes it virtually impossible for a viewer to tell if a movie is dated,
because while the characters are dressed in clothes from another time, one has no way of
knowing if their threads are a function of (a) the film being from a different era or (b) the film
being European and so unbelievably hip that its production designer has latched onto a
retro fashion style months or years before the rest of the world has. Fortunately, we have
the IMDB, so we can see for sure that Burial Ground was released in 1981, and therefore,
the clothes sported within are simply relics of another time. Everybody got that?
Score: 2
Soundtrack: Burial Ground features two types of music: mystical bubbly keyboards, and
swinging jazz. The use of each of these types of music is determined by who happens to
be on screen at a given time. If it's a zombie: keyboards; if it's a horny Italian vacationer:
swinging jazz. Works for me.
Score: 3
Breast Factor/Nudity: Any fan of the zombie genre will tell you that there are three types of
nudity in a zombie movie: no nudity, good nudity, and bad nudity. Amazingly, Burial Ground
manages to cover all three of these in less than 90 minutes. For the early part of the film,
there's a reasonable amount of good nudity. Then, the film veers into non-nude territory for
a good long while. Then, bad nudity rears its ugly, sneering head in the form of that gross
tit-bite that I, for some reason, can't seem to stop bringing up in this review. So let's recap:
this film takes the good, it takes the bad, it takes them both, and there you have...various
types of nudity. Something tells me that Mrs. Garrett wouldn't approve. Alright, I'll admit it: I
have no idea what I'm even talking about at this point.
Score: 3
| I've heard of breast feeding...but this is ridiculous! Thank you, I'll be here all night. |
| Peter Bark: now on My Space (for some reason). |
Lead Actor: Burial Ground is centered around an ensemble of actors, and as such there is
no true "lead actor" carrying the film, so I have to deduct at least one point in this category.
However, Burial Ground still tallies a high score here, as it features the enigmatic Peter
Bark in the role of Michael, an actor/character combination unique enough to sustain
interest in almost any zombie movie. It's hard to find details on Peter Bark's life--they're a
little sketchy considering that, shockingly, no one has yet created a Wikipedia page for him,
and that's where I get all of my information (there is, however, a My Space page dedicated to
him, but it's light on details; additionally, for some reason, the page features a background
image of Lucio Fulci's Zombi). What you need to know is this: the character of Michael is
pretty weird, considering that he's supposed to be an adolescent/pre-teen, and yet (a) he
keeps asking him mom to breastfeed him and (b) he apparently knows what death smells
like (see the "Best Line" category for more on this); but, he's made even weirder by the fact
that he's played by a dude who was 26 when the movie was produced. So, Peter Bark was
a grown man playing the role of a pre-teen, and yet he still looks like a kid--a creepy kid at
that. Ultimately, he reminds me of the Manservant Hecubus, which is a weird thing for a
character in an Italian zombie movie to do, don't you think? Interesting to note: whoever did
the voiceover for Michael in the English version of Burial Ground was clearly channeling
Peter Bark, because, somehow, the voiceover itself sounds like an adult impersonating a
child. Weirdness upon mystery: that's what Peter Bark brings to the table. The bottom line:
Burial Ground would be a lot less interesting without him.
Score: 4
no true "lead actor" carrying the film, so I have to deduct at least one point in this category.
However, Burial Ground still tallies a high score here, as it features the enigmatic Peter
Bark in the role of Michael, an actor/character combination unique enough to sustain
interest in almost any zombie movie. It's hard to find details on Peter Bark's life--they're a
little sketchy considering that, shockingly, no one has yet created a Wikipedia page for him,
and that's where I get all of my information (there is, however, a My Space page dedicated to
him, but it's light on details; additionally, for some reason, the page features a background
image of Lucio Fulci's Zombi). What you need to know is this: the character of Michael is
pretty weird, considering that he's supposed to be an adolescent/pre-teen, and yet (a) he
keeps asking him mom to breastfeed him and (b) he apparently knows what death smells
like (see the "Best Line" category for more on this); but, he's made even weirder by the fact
that he's played by a dude who was 26 when the movie was produced. So, Peter Bark was
a grown man playing the role of a pre-teen, and yet he still looks like a kid--a creepy kid at
that. Ultimately, he reminds me of the Manservant Hecubus, which is a weird thing for a
character in an Italian zombie movie to do, don't you think? Interesting to note: whoever did
the voiceover for Michael in the English version of Burial Ground was clearly channeling
Peter Bark, because, somehow, the voiceover itself sounds like an adult impersonating a
child. Weirdness upon mystery: that's what Peter Bark brings to the table. The bottom line:
Burial Ground would be a lot less interesting without him.
Score: 4
| Um, could someone please tell me what Leo Tolstoy is doing here? |
Sidekick(s)/Love Interest: Since I decided to designate Peter Bark at Burial Ground's lead
actor in the previous category, I suppose it's only right that I single out his character's mom
as his love interest. Wait, WHA?! It's true. As noted, the character of Michael is continually
trying to get his mother to breastfeed him in the film, something that she obliges in Burial
Ground's final scene--it's the part where her breast gets bitten off. If you've been paying
attention to this review, you might have noticed that I've secretly, quietly hinted at this a
couple of times. Anyways, this whole thing is rather gross and I think it's best that we just
move on to the next category.
Score: 1
Overall Cast: As indicated earlier, Burial Ground is truly a group effort, a group that's
comprised of Italian Stallions, sexy ladies, a bunch of eerie zombies, and a really creepy
little dude. That's an impressive list right there--who cares if any of them can actually act?
Score: 4
Token Scientist: While there is a token scientist in Burial Ground, it's hard for me to award
many points for him, this due to the fact that he's perhaps the most token of all token
scientists in the history of token scientists. Let me explain what I mean: at the beginning of
the film, there's an old man studying some ancient writing or something. Then, he goes
into a tomb and gets killed. At the film's end, he shows up as a zombie and fucks some
shit up. In the meantime, we learn that his name is/was Professor Ayres, and that he was
"studying magical practices that were used by the ancient Etruscans...something
connected with the survival of the dead." Does this make him an archaeologist? A
biologist? A paleontologist? I have no idea--other than a character offhandedly referring to
him as a "scientist", we have no idea what his profession even is (and what's worse--his
long beard makes him look more like a Russian novelist than a scientist). So there you
go--as token a token as there ever was. In my book, that's almost as bad as not having a
scientist at all.
Score: 2
actor in the previous category, I suppose it's only right that I single out his character's mom
as his love interest. Wait, WHA?! It's true. As noted, the character of Michael is continually
trying to get his mother to breastfeed him in the film, something that she obliges in Burial
Ground's final scene--it's the part where her breast gets bitten off. If you've been paying
attention to this review, you might have noticed that I've secretly, quietly hinted at this a
couple of times. Anyways, this whole thing is rather gross and I think it's best that we just
move on to the next category.
Score: 1
Overall Cast: As indicated earlier, Burial Ground is truly a group effort, a group that's
comprised of Italian Stallions, sexy ladies, a bunch of eerie zombies, and a really creepy
little dude. That's an impressive list right there--who cares if any of them can actually act?
Score: 4
Token Scientist: While there is a token scientist in Burial Ground, it's hard for me to award
many points for him, this due to the fact that he's perhaps the most token of all token
scientists in the history of token scientists. Let me explain what I mean: at the beginning of
the film, there's an old man studying some ancient writing or something. Then, he goes
into a tomb and gets killed. At the film's end, he shows up as a zombie and fucks some
shit up. In the meantime, we learn that his name is/was Professor Ayres, and that he was
"studying magical practices that were used by the ancient Etruscans...something
connected with the survival of the dead." Does this make him an archaeologist? A
biologist? A paleontologist? I have no idea--other than a character offhandedly referring to
him as a "scientist", we have no idea what his profession even is (and what's worse--his
long beard makes him look more like a Russian novelist than a scientist). So there you
go--as token a token as there ever was. In my book, that's almost as bad as not having a
scientist at all.
Score: 2
| Chateau Anthropologiste: available for archaeological digs, Bar Mitzvahs, weddings, and the occasional zombie bloodbath. |
| Yuck. Somebody get this guy some Clearasil! |
Token Fat Guy: As if Burial Ground's token scientist-chicanery weren't bad enough, the film
then has the nerve to feature no token fat guys whatsoever. Sounds to me like Burial
Ground is trying to get its ass kicked.
Score: 1
Best Line: There are a few strong contenders for Burial Ground's best line. The first of
these is: "I am the only one who knows the secret. It's incredible! INCREDIBLE!" I include
this as a "best line" candidate because this is the first line of the film; the thing is, the
person who says this line dies almost immediately after uttering it, and more importantly,
we never learn what the supposed effing secret actually is. Any opening line of dialogue
that irrelevant and nonsensical has to be a candidate for the best line in the film, right?
Okay, maybe not. How about this line: "You look just like a little whore...but I like that in a
girl." Whew, any line of dialogue that smooth has to be a candidate for the best line in the
film, right? Okay, maybe not. How about this line: "They can only be killed by blowing their
heads off." Any line of dialogue that's said completely randomly and out of the blue with
absolutely NO evidence to support it has to be a candidate for the best line in the film,
right? Okay, maybe not. How about this line, uttered by the character of Michael: "This cloth
smells of death." Any line of dialogue that effectively enhances the creepiness of character
while also providing also an important lesson for the rest of us (namely: don't go 'round
smelling stuff that doesn't belong to you) has to be the best line in the film, right? Right.
Score: 3
Intangibles: Burial Ground is a reasonably competently crafted zombie flick. That's not to
say, however, that there aren't numerous questions that nag at the viewer, sometimes to
distraction, whilst s/he is trying to watch the movie. These include:
I guess what I'm saying is this: there are numerous intangible elements in Burial Ground
that make it hard to root for any of the humans in this movie to live.
Score: 2
then has the nerve to feature no token fat guys whatsoever. Sounds to me like Burial
Ground is trying to get its ass kicked.
Score: 1
Best Line: There are a few strong contenders for Burial Ground's best line. The first of
these is: "I am the only one who knows the secret. It's incredible! INCREDIBLE!" I include
this as a "best line" candidate because this is the first line of the film; the thing is, the
person who says this line dies almost immediately after uttering it, and more importantly,
we never learn what the supposed effing secret actually is. Any opening line of dialogue
that irrelevant and nonsensical has to be a candidate for the best line in the film, right?
Okay, maybe not. How about this line: "You look just like a little whore...but I like that in a
girl." Whew, any line of dialogue that smooth has to be a candidate for the best line in the
film, right? Okay, maybe not. How about this line: "They can only be killed by blowing their
heads off." Any line of dialogue that's said completely randomly and out of the blue with
absolutely NO evidence to support it has to be a candidate for the best line in the film,
right? Okay, maybe not. How about this line, uttered by the character of Michael: "This cloth
smells of death." Any line of dialogue that effectively enhances the creepiness of character
while also providing also an important lesson for the rest of us (namely: don't go 'round
smelling stuff that doesn't belong to you) has to be the best line in the film, right? Right.
Score: 3
Intangibles: Burial Ground is a reasonably competently crafted zombie flick. That's not to
say, however, that there aren't numerous questions that nag at the viewer, sometimes to
distraction, whilst s/he is trying to watch the movie. These include:
- Why does the film take place in a swanky mansion in the middle of nowhere? To
put it another way: who knew that anthropologists (or whatever the hell it is that
Professor Ayres is) got to stay in such swanky buildings when working in the field?
They do, according to this movie--until most of the cast shows up, we're left to
assume that Professor Ayres has been living and working in a big mansion,
Chateau Anthropologiste, all by himself. Accordingly, I think that I speak for everyone
when I say that I'm tired of these fat cat anthropologists trotting around the globe,
digging up bones and flaunting their wealth. - If you had a companion who clearly didn't weigh more than 85 pounds, and this
companion happened to get her leg caught in a bear trap, and you freed her, but you
were then pursued by zombies determined to eat you, wouldn't you just carry the
aforementioned companion in your arms, rather than making her put her arm over
your shoulder and hop around, slowing you and her down? I would, but maybe
that's just me. - If you're in a mansion that's surrounded by zombies, doesn't it make sense to NOT
send one person off by themselves to inspect the building to make sure that
everything's okay? And, if you do send a person off by him/herself, and this person
doesn't come back, doesn't it make NO SENSE WHATSOEVER to send another
person off alone to look for the first person? Don't answer that.
I guess what I'm saying is this: there are numerous intangible elements in Burial Ground
that make it hard to root for any of the humans in this movie to live.
Score: 2
| Fear the smock! |
Zombie Believability: On the one hand, the zombies in Burial Ground are believable,
because they seem like dead people who have returned to life. On the other hand, they
sometimes seem like living people with bad hygiene who aren't so much evil as they are
really, really bored. But, in either case, they're definitely interested in eating people, so I
guess that makes them more zombie than not.
Score: 3
because they seem like dead people who have returned to life. On the other hand, they
sometimes seem like living people with bad hygiene who aren't so much evil as they are
really, really bored. But, in either case, they're definitely interested in eating people, so I
guess that makes them more zombie than not.
Score: 3
| Here's a tip: if you're going to fight a zombie with a bucket of paint, try to fight one that isn't wearing painter's coveralls. |
Zombie Attack Scenes: Refreshingly, Burial Ground has perhaps the highest
concentration of zombie attack scenes in any zombie movie produced in the 1980s--the
tone is set at the film's opening with the eating of Professor Ayres, and from there the
zombies never really stop attacking.
As if that weren't enough, don't forget about that awesome scene that I mentioned earlier
wherein a bunch of light bulbs turn themselves on and explode for no real reason. While
it's technically not a zombie attack scene, the whole thing really freaks out the maid at
Chateau Anthropologiste, so I'm assuming it's malevolent (although it might have just been
faulty wiring in the chandelier), and so I thought it deserved mention, because the only thing
better than a zombie movie with a superfluity of zombie attack scenes is one that also has a
chandelier attack scene.
That being said, not all of the zombie attack action in Burial Ground is commendable. For
example, at one point, a dude and his lady are laying on the grass, making out, having a
grand old time. Somehow, a nearby buried zombie senses this, and decides to claw his
way up from underground and attack the couple. This sequence is easily the SLOWEST
ZOMBIE ATTACK EVER. I'm not exaggerating, and I have the numbers to back me up: from
the moment the zombie's hand first stirs from its grave, it's a full 2 minutes and 23 seconds
before the zombie is able to traverse the five or so feet separating it from the people making
out to actually attack them, and even then all it does is grab the dude's leg. If you can show
me another zombie attack scene that takes place at less suspenseful rate than that, I'll give
you a dollar.
Score: 4
Zombie "Orgy" Scenes: There are at least two bona fide zombie "orgies" in Burial
Ground--one in a monastery, when a bunch of zombiefied monks gather round a table for
some good old fashioned gut munching, and then one in the workshop or whatever it is in
the film's final scene. Two orgies to one zombie flick is a pretty good ratio, but alas, points
must be deducted here, as the latter orgy is marred by the previously discussed inclusion
of the "Profecy of the Black Spider." It just goes to show you: nothing ruins an orgy like a
black spider.
Score: 3
Anti-Zombie Weaponry: In addition to the usual anti-zombie weapons brandished in Burial
Ground (pistols, pitchforks, big rocks, fire, and rifles), the film's protagonists also battle the
undead with a variety of unconventional "weapons", including screaming, light jogging,
more screaming, standing around staring at approaching zombies and yelling "they're
coming towards us!" instead of actually, you know, doing anything constructive, and still
more screaming. None of these innovative techniques are particularly effective, but at the
very least, I appreciate the effort Burial Ground's creators put into thinking outside the box.
Score: 3
Zombification Explanation: I can't be 100% sure about this, but I think the zombies in Burial
Ground exist due to the previously mentioned Etruscan "magical practices" that Professor
Ayres was studying. Basically, what I was able to piece together about the zombies in this
movie is that they were priests or something who figured out how to become zombies, and
so they all sit in a monastery in the woods waiting for humans to show up, humans who
they then also zombify. Everyone needs a hobby, I guess.
Score: 2
Zombie Uniqueness: As mentioned previously, conceptually the zombies in this film are like
an undead A-Team, which already makes them quite unique.
They're also unique intellectually--they clearly have the ability to think strategically and plan
ahead, as evinced by the fact that they build and use a battering ram, they scale walls, and
they attack humans with actual weapons (including a scythe).
Additionally, physically the zombies in Burial Ground are quite unique. After all, when
they're hit by large rocks, it's revealed that their heads are apparently made out of papier
mache and ceramic. I've never seen that in a zombie movie, have you?
As if all that weren't enough, these zombies are unique culturally as well. Unlike most
zombies, the ones in Burial Ground seem to live an active, on-the-go lifestyle; not content to
while their time away in musty old castles or tombs, these zombies wander around during
the daytime, enjoying nature and getting a little sun. Zombies that can plan? That's one
thing. Zombies that can tan? Well, that's another thing entirely.
Score: 5
concentration of zombie attack scenes in any zombie movie produced in the 1980s--the
tone is set at the film's opening with the eating of Professor Ayres, and from there the
zombies never really stop attacking.
As if that weren't enough, don't forget about that awesome scene that I mentioned earlier
wherein a bunch of light bulbs turn themselves on and explode for no real reason. While
it's technically not a zombie attack scene, the whole thing really freaks out the maid at
Chateau Anthropologiste, so I'm assuming it's malevolent (although it might have just been
faulty wiring in the chandelier), and so I thought it deserved mention, because the only thing
better than a zombie movie with a superfluity of zombie attack scenes is one that also has a
chandelier attack scene.
That being said, not all of the zombie attack action in Burial Ground is commendable. For
example, at one point, a dude and his lady are laying on the grass, making out, having a
grand old time. Somehow, a nearby buried zombie senses this, and decides to claw his
way up from underground and attack the couple. This sequence is easily the SLOWEST
ZOMBIE ATTACK EVER. I'm not exaggerating, and I have the numbers to back me up: from
the moment the zombie's hand first stirs from its grave, it's a full 2 minutes and 23 seconds
before the zombie is able to traverse the five or so feet separating it from the people making
out to actually attack them, and even then all it does is grab the dude's leg. If you can show
me another zombie attack scene that takes place at less suspenseful rate than that, I'll give
you a dollar.
Score: 4
Zombie "Orgy" Scenes: There are at least two bona fide zombie "orgies" in Burial
Ground--one in a monastery, when a bunch of zombiefied monks gather round a table for
some good old fashioned gut munching, and then one in the workshop or whatever it is in
the film's final scene. Two orgies to one zombie flick is a pretty good ratio, but alas, points
must be deducted here, as the latter orgy is marred by the previously discussed inclusion
of the "Profecy of the Black Spider." It just goes to show you: nothing ruins an orgy like a
black spider.
Score: 3
Anti-Zombie Weaponry: In addition to the usual anti-zombie weapons brandished in Burial
Ground (pistols, pitchforks, big rocks, fire, and rifles), the film's protagonists also battle the
undead with a variety of unconventional "weapons", including screaming, light jogging,
more screaming, standing around staring at approaching zombies and yelling "they're
coming towards us!" instead of actually, you know, doing anything constructive, and still
more screaming. None of these innovative techniques are particularly effective, but at the
very least, I appreciate the effort Burial Ground's creators put into thinking outside the box.
Score: 3
Zombification Explanation: I can't be 100% sure about this, but I think the zombies in Burial
Ground exist due to the previously mentioned Etruscan "magical practices" that Professor
Ayres was studying. Basically, what I was able to piece together about the zombies in this
movie is that they were priests or something who figured out how to become zombies, and
so they all sit in a monastery in the woods waiting for humans to show up, humans who
they then also zombify. Everyone needs a hobby, I guess.
Score: 2
Zombie Uniqueness: As mentioned previously, conceptually the zombies in this film are like
an undead A-Team, which already makes them quite unique.
They're also unique intellectually--they clearly have the ability to think strategically and plan
ahead, as evinced by the fact that they build and use a battering ram, they scale walls, and
they attack humans with actual weapons (including a scythe).
Additionally, physically the zombies in Burial Ground are quite unique. After all, when
they're hit by large rocks, it's revealed that their heads are apparently made out of papier
mache and ceramic. I've never seen that in a zombie movie, have you?
As if all that weren't enough, these zombies are unique culturally as well. Unlike most
zombies, the ones in Burial Ground seem to live an active, on-the-go lifestyle; not content to
while their time away in musty old castles or tombs, these zombies wander around during
the daytime, enjoying nature and getting a little sun. Zombies that can plan? That's one
thing. Zombies that can tan? Well, that's another thing entirely.
Score: 5
Zombie Consistency: One thing that most of the zombies in Burial Ground do, for some
reason, is wear green painter's smocks. I'm not sure why this is. That being said, I will say
that the zombies in Burial Ground are all over the place, and I mean that literally--they cover
an astonishingly large amount of territory--and figuratively--every zombie looks somewhat
different from every other zombie. E.g., some of them have "monster faces", whilst others
look like humans with wet clay smeared on them. Could this explain the smocks? Maybe
all the zombies in this movie are just mutilated art teachers? Hmmm. Something to
ponder. That is, you know, if you're bored and looking for something to do.
Score: 2
reason, is wear green painter's smocks. I'm not sure why this is. That being said, I will say
that the zombies in Burial Ground are all over the place, and I mean that literally--they cover
an astonishingly large amount of territory--and figuratively--every zombie looks somewhat
different from every other zombie. E.g., some of them have "monster faces", whilst others
look like humans with wet clay smeared on them. Could this explain the smocks? Maybe
all the zombies in this movie are just mutilated art teachers? Hmmm. Something to
ponder. That is, you know, if you're bored and looking for something to do.
Score: 2
| All text on this page is copyright 2007 ZombieTastic.com, and may not be reused without written consent from the author. |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
Signature Zombie: Burial Ground really doesn't have a signature zombie, this because not
one of the zombies in the film appears interested in standing out, grabbing the spotlight, or
making a name for him/herself. Rather, they all just seem to want to munch on Italian
vacationers. I guess can respect that.
Score: 2
Total Points: 81
Verdict: Is Burial Ground the best zombie movie ever made? Not by a long shot. It's not
even ZombieTastic. BUT: I recommend it wholeheartedly. After all, it has all of the
elements that you want in a zombie movie: interesting zombies, a wide variety of zombie
attack scenes, a few genuine creepy moments, random nudity, and a baffling plot. Plus, the
whole thing clocks in at less than 90 minutes. What's not to like? I mean, aside from the
disturbing incest subplot? Nothing, that's what.
Next Time: Fido
one of the zombies in the film appears interested in standing out, grabbing the spotlight, or
making a name for him/herself. Rather, they all just seem to want to munch on Italian
vacationers. I guess can respect that.
Score: 2
Total Points: 81
Verdict: Is Burial Ground the best zombie movie ever made? Not by a long shot. It's not
even ZombieTastic. BUT: I recommend it wholeheartedly. After all, it has all of the
elements that you want in a zombie movie: interesting zombies, a wide variety of zombie
attack scenes, a few genuine creepy moments, random nudity, and a baffling plot. Plus, the
whole thing clocks in at less than 90 minutes. What's not to like? I mean, aside from the
disturbing incest subplot? Nothing, that's what.
Next Time: Fido
Comedy: This film is campy, but unintentionally so, so it almost cancels out its own
campiness. It's like a negative black hole vortex of comedy. So in that sense, Burial
Ground is like that show Two and a Half Men, except with a more attractive cast (and yes,
I'm talking about the zombies here) (take THAT, Jon Cryer).
Score: 1
Originality: My friend Tim used to want to create a genre of film called the 'Horno'. The idea
behind the horno was that you would have a movie that was a straight-up horror flick, except
that the sex scenes would actually be full-on sex scenes, like in a pornographic movie. I
have to say that Burial Ground is as close to a zombie horno as anything I've ever seen
(aside from, perhaps The Stink of Flesh). I suppose this shouldn't be surprising,
considering that prior to making Burial Ground, director Andrea Bianchi was responsible for
the infamous and fully sexified giallo Strip Nude for Your Killer. Anyways, I mention all of
this here because for the first-third of Burial Ground, the sex scenes and makeout
sessions are more numerous, longer, and more interesting than any of the scenes
featuring zombies. For a zombie movie, that's rather bold and/or original, wouldn't you say?
Score: 4
campiness. It's like a negative black hole vortex of comedy. So in that sense, Burial
Ground is like that show Two and a Half Men, except with a more attractive cast (and yes,
I'm talking about the zombies here) (take THAT, Jon Cryer).
Score: 1
Originality: My friend Tim used to want to create a genre of film called the 'Horno'. The idea
behind the horno was that you would have a movie that was a straight-up horror flick, except
that the sex scenes would actually be full-on sex scenes, like in a pornographic movie. I
have to say that Burial Ground is as close to a zombie horno as anything I've ever seen
(aside from, perhaps The Stink of Flesh). I suppose this shouldn't be surprising,
considering that prior to making Burial Ground, director Andrea Bianchi was responsible for
the infamous and fully sexified giallo Strip Nude for Your Killer. Anyways, I mention all of
this here because for the first-third of Burial Ground, the sex scenes and makeout
sessions are more numerous, longer, and more interesting than any of the scenes
featuring zombies. For a zombie movie, that's rather bold and/or original, wouldn't you say?
Score: 4
| Is it just me, or does this zombie kind of look like a dinosaur? |
