The ZombieTastic Review of:
Zombie Holocaust
Zombie Holocaust
Director: Marino Girolami
Year of Release: 1980
Country of Origin: Italy
Type of Zombie Film: Cannibal Documentary
Also Known as: Zombi Holocaust, Doctor Butcher M.D., Dr. Butcher
M.D., Dr. Butcher: Medical Deviate, Cementerio de los Zombies,
Förintelsen, Island of the Last Zombies, Queen of the Cannibals, La
Regina Dei Cannibali, La Terreur des Zombies, Zombie 3, Zombie Massakren, Zombies
unter Kannibalen
Part of a series?: No.
The Scoring
Plot: In various hospitals, people are stealing body parts and eating them. This is
apparently connected to some cannibals that live on the island of Kito, which is
located...somewhere (most zombie movie guides list Kito as being in Southeast Asia, but I
for one don't remember mention of this in the film) (of course, it's entirely possible that
someone mentioned it and I missed it due to being asleep). Accordingly, the cast of
Zombie Holocaust form an expedition to Kito; subsequently, some of them have pretty
pictures painted on their bodies, and others of them have their eyes ripped out of their
heads. In the end, important lessons are learned, including this: don't go to Kito.
Score: 3
Exposition: Make no mistake--Zombie Holocaust has a fair amount of exposition, including
extended discussions about the wily ways of body part thieves, various theories regarding
cannibalism, and a lengthy speech from the mad Dr. Obrero regarding the purpose of his
experiments (more on this later). And yet, despite all of this, it's hard to figure out what's
going on in this movie. What do the cannibals in New York have to do with the cannibals on
the island of Kito? Why does one of the New York cannibals kill himself when caught
eating the heart of a cadaver? Why, late in the movie, do the cannibals on Kito go out of
their way to prepare to sacrifice the character of Lori, only to decide at the last minute, for no
apparent reason, to instead kill Dr. Obrero? And isn't it just a bit too convenient that a doctor
working at a hospital where body parts are being stolen (for whatever reason) just so
happens to also be an anthropologist who is an expert on cannibalism, and who
furthermore spent her childhood years on a remote island--the very island to which the
characters in Zombie Holocaust actually travel to in order to investigate the body part thefts
in the first place? I think I speak for everyone who's ever seen this movie when I ask, WHAT
THE HELL IS GOING ON?
Score: 1
Plausibility: Of all the implausible things that happen in Zombie Holocaust (including the
police not noticing that everyone that they've caught in relation to the cadaver/cannibalism
crime wave sports an identical tattoo on his chest) (which, fyi, kind of looks like John
Bonham's symbol from Zeppelin IV), perhaps the most implausible of all is the notion that
zombies and cannibals could co-exist on an island where there are virtually no human
beings. It's a simple question of supply and demand; granted, the cannibals are
super-skinny, and granted, we never actually see a zombie eat a human in this movie, but
still, wouldn't both groups simply have starved to death long before the happenings in this
movie were ever able to take place? Unfortunately for us (the audience), the answer is "no".
Score: 1
Year of Release: 1980
Country of Origin: Italy
Type of Zombie Film: Cannibal Documentary
Also Known as: Zombi Holocaust, Doctor Butcher M.D., Dr. Butcher
M.D., Dr. Butcher: Medical Deviate, Cementerio de los Zombies,
Förintelsen, Island of the Last Zombies, Queen of the Cannibals, La
Regina Dei Cannibali, La Terreur des Zombies, Zombie 3, Zombie Massakren, Zombies
unter Kannibalen
Part of a series?: No.
The Scoring
Plot: In various hospitals, people are stealing body parts and eating them. This is
apparently connected to some cannibals that live on the island of Kito, which is
located...somewhere (most zombie movie guides list Kito as being in Southeast Asia, but I
for one don't remember mention of this in the film) (of course, it's entirely possible that
someone mentioned it and I missed it due to being asleep). Accordingly, the cast of
Zombie Holocaust form an expedition to Kito; subsequently, some of them have pretty
pictures painted on their bodies, and others of them have their eyes ripped out of their
heads. In the end, important lessons are learned, including this: don't go to Kito.
Score: 3
Exposition: Make no mistake--Zombie Holocaust has a fair amount of exposition, including
extended discussions about the wily ways of body part thieves, various theories regarding
cannibalism, and a lengthy speech from the mad Dr. Obrero regarding the purpose of his
experiments (more on this later). And yet, despite all of this, it's hard to figure out what's
going on in this movie. What do the cannibals in New York have to do with the cannibals on
the island of Kito? Why does one of the New York cannibals kill himself when caught
eating the heart of a cadaver? Why, late in the movie, do the cannibals on Kito go out of
their way to prepare to sacrifice the character of Lori, only to decide at the last minute, for no
apparent reason, to instead kill Dr. Obrero? And isn't it just a bit too convenient that a doctor
working at a hospital where body parts are being stolen (for whatever reason) just so
happens to also be an anthropologist who is an expert on cannibalism, and who
furthermore spent her childhood years on a remote island--the very island to which the
characters in Zombie Holocaust actually travel to in order to investigate the body part thefts
in the first place? I think I speak for everyone who's ever seen this movie when I ask, WHAT
THE HELL IS GOING ON?
Score: 1
Plausibility: Of all the implausible things that happen in Zombie Holocaust (including the
police not noticing that everyone that they've caught in relation to the cadaver/cannibalism
crime wave sports an identical tattoo on his chest) (which, fyi, kind of looks like John
Bonham's symbol from Zeppelin IV), perhaps the most implausible of all is the notion that
zombies and cannibals could co-exist on an island where there are virtually no human
beings. It's a simple question of supply and demand; granted, the cannibals are
super-skinny, and granted, we never actually see a zombie eat a human in this movie, but
still, wouldn't both groups simply have starved to death long before the happenings in this
movie were ever able to take place? Unfortunately for us (the audience), the answer is "no".
Score: 1
| Who wouldn't want a tattoo that looks like that? |
| That's the thickest jungle brush that I've ever seen...in a living room. |
Production Value: I don't think it will come as a surprise when I tell you that the production
values of Zombie Holocaust leave a lot to be desired. First of all, the film's makers were so
cheap, they re-used sets that had already been drenched in zombie mayhem, and to much
better effect (yes, that's right, many of the sets and, for that matter, actors, seen in Zombie
Holocaust were previously seen in Zombi 2). Additionally, Zombie Holocaust features a
strong candidate for the title of "worst single instance of voiceover work in the history of
cinema", when an incredibly loud shriek is set to footage of a woman whose mouth is
practically closed shut. Still, we should consider ourselves fortunate: while Zombie
Holocaust takes place mainly in a remote jungle, it mercifully doesn't feature an abundance
of grainy, distracting stock footage, which is more than you can say for some movies.
Score: 2
values of Zombie Holocaust leave a lot to be desired. First of all, the film's makers were so
cheap, they re-used sets that had already been drenched in zombie mayhem, and to much
better effect (yes, that's right, many of the sets and, for that matter, actors, seen in Zombie
Holocaust were previously seen in Zombi 2). Additionally, Zombie Holocaust features a
strong candidate for the title of "worst single instance of voiceover work in the history of
cinema", when an incredibly loud shriek is set to footage of a woman whose mouth is
practically closed shut. Still, we should consider ourselves fortunate: while Zombie
Holocaust takes place mainly in a remote jungle, it mercifully doesn't feature an abundance
of grainy, distracting stock footage, which is more than you can say for some movies.
Score: 2
Goriness: Okay, I hear you asking me, "So Zombie Holocaust isn't scary, the makeup is
horrible, and watching the special effects is more painful than opening an umbrella up your
ass. Does the film at least have gore?" Yes, my pushy friend. Yes it does. The film
features multiple corpses being sliced open, a rather disgusting slide show depicting
various instances of cannibalism, an outboard motor to the head, and a sawing off of a
hand that is made all the gorier by the fact that the hand's original owner is FUGLY. This
should be a lesson for would-be zombie filmmakers everywhere: no matter how badly your
zombie movie sucks, if you add a lot of blood to it, it will suck less.
Score: 3
horrible, and watching the special effects is more painful than opening an umbrella up your
ass. Does the film at least have gore?" Yes, my pushy friend. Yes it does. The film
features multiple corpses being sliced open, a rather disgusting slide show depicting
various instances of cannibalism, an outboard motor to the head, and a sawing off of a
hand that is made all the gorier by the fact that the hand's original owner is FUGLY. This
should be a lesson for would-be zombie filmmakers everywhere: no matter how badly your
zombie movie sucks, if you add a lot of blood to it, it will suck less.
Score: 3
| There's nothing scarier than...meat. |
| Mondays stink, am I right? |
Soundtrack: If you guessed that Zombie Holocaust's soundtrack consists mainly of moody,
bubbly keyboard sounds, you win a dollar! And by "win a dollar", I mean "you're correct, but
it will be a cold day in hell before I give you any money." Even though there's a
preponderance of keyboard music in this film (just as there is in most zombie films), I have
to award an extra point in this category, for this reason: the character of Lori is featured in
numerous disrobing scenes, and these are at least typically accompanied by the smooth
sounds of the jazz flute. Nothing augments a lady taking off her top quite like the jazz flute
does. I believe it was Yusef Lateef who first said that.
Score: 2
Breast Factor/Nudity: As I mentioned in the previous category, there are numerous scenes
in Zombie Holocaust involving Lori taking off her clothes. Sometimes she strips down to
her bra and panties and lounges around her chic New York apartment, sometimes she
gets totally naked while a peeping tom cannibal leers at her through her bedroom window,
and then, sometimes, she takes all of her clothes off and stands around in a cave while a
cannibal paints a bunch of pictures on her for no discernible reason. I guess what I'm
saying is that there's a fair amount of nudity in Zombie Holocaust, and some of it is good,
some of it is confusing, and some of it is downright disturbing. Lest you don't think
cannibals painting naked ladies is disturbing, I should also mention that there is a large
amount of corpse nudity in this film, which is made all the worse by the fact that in a scene
early in the film, you almost see the pubes of a fat dead guy. Yuck. Having written that, it
occurs to me that 'Pubes of a Fat Dead Guy' would be a pretty good name for a metalcore
band. If anyone wants to get such a project started, let me know.
Score: 3
Lead Actor: Ian McCulloch as Peter Chandler. When we last encountered Ian McCulloch
here at ZombieTastic, he was balding and listening to New York City talk radio whilst
floating somewhere in the Caribbean, as he semi-competently acted his way through
Zombi 2. He also semi-competently acts his way through this film, although he himself
probably doesn't know that: in an interview conducted for the book Eaten Alive: Italian
Cannibal and Zombie Movies, McCulloch admits that he has never actually seen Zombie
Holocaust. Hmmm. Perhaps no one who worked on this film has actually seen it. That
would certainly explain the mannequin arm thing that we discussed earlier. It would also
explain why this movie, you know, sucks.
Score: 3
Sidekick(s)/Love Interest: Alexandra Delli Colli as Lori Ridgeway. Ms. Delli Colli could
easily be described as the poor woman's Mia Farrow, which astute zombie fans will note as
interesting because Mia Farrow's sister Tisa starred as Ian McCulloch's love interest in
Zombi 2. In other words, Zombie Holocaust's similarities to Zombi 2 don't end with its
tropical setting, its re-use of sets, or its inclusion of the great Ian McCulloch. I just wish that
the similarities didn't end there--if this film featured a zombie fighting a shark, or a cannibal
fighting a shark, or a cannibal shark fighting another shark that was also a zombie, it would
not be quite as lame.
At any rate, there's not much to say about the wooden acting of Alexandra Delli Colli, so let
me just ask this: does everyone who has degrees in medicine and anthropology get naked
as often as the character of Lori Ridgeway? If so, I'm enrolling in a dual-degree program as
soon as possible.
Score: 2
bubbly keyboard sounds, you win a dollar! And by "win a dollar", I mean "you're correct, but
it will be a cold day in hell before I give you any money." Even though there's a
preponderance of keyboard music in this film (just as there is in most zombie films), I have
to award an extra point in this category, for this reason: the character of Lori is featured in
numerous disrobing scenes, and these are at least typically accompanied by the smooth
sounds of the jazz flute. Nothing augments a lady taking off her top quite like the jazz flute
does. I believe it was Yusef Lateef who first said that.
Score: 2
Breast Factor/Nudity: As I mentioned in the previous category, there are numerous scenes
in Zombie Holocaust involving Lori taking off her clothes. Sometimes she strips down to
her bra and panties and lounges around her chic New York apartment, sometimes she
gets totally naked while a peeping tom cannibal leers at her through her bedroom window,
and then, sometimes, she takes all of her clothes off and stands around in a cave while a
cannibal paints a bunch of pictures on her for no discernible reason. I guess what I'm
saying is that there's a fair amount of nudity in Zombie Holocaust, and some of it is good,
some of it is confusing, and some of it is downright disturbing. Lest you don't think
cannibals painting naked ladies is disturbing, I should also mention that there is a large
amount of corpse nudity in this film, which is made all the worse by the fact that in a scene
early in the film, you almost see the pubes of a fat dead guy. Yuck. Having written that, it
occurs to me that 'Pubes of a Fat Dead Guy' would be a pretty good name for a metalcore
band. If anyone wants to get such a project started, let me know.
Score: 3
Lead Actor: Ian McCulloch as Peter Chandler. When we last encountered Ian McCulloch
here at ZombieTastic, he was balding and listening to New York City talk radio whilst
floating somewhere in the Caribbean, as he semi-competently acted his way through
Zombi 2. He also semi-competently acts his way through this film, although he himself
probably doesn't know that: in an interview conducted for the book Eaten Alive: Italian
Cannibal and Zombie Movies, McCulloch admits that he has never actually seen Zombie
Holocaust. Hmmm. Perhaps no one who worked on this film has actually seen it. That
would certainly explain the mannequin arm thing that we discussed earlier. It would also
explain why this movie, you know, sucks.
Score: 3
Sidekick(s)/Love Interest: Alexandra Delli Colli as Lori Ridgeway. Ms. Delli Colli could
easily be described as the poor woman's Mia Farrow, which astute zombie fans will note as
interesting because Mia Farrow's sister Tisa starred as Ian McCulloch's love interest in
Zombi 2. In other words, Zombie Holocaust's similarities to Zombi 2 don't end with its
tropical setting, its re-use of sets, or its inclusion of the great Ian McCulloch. I just wish that
the similarities didn't end there--if this film featured a zombie fighting a shark, or a cannibal
fighting a shark, or a cannibal shark fighting another shark that was also a zombie, it would
not be quite as lame.
At any rate, there's not much to say about the wooden acting of Alexandra Delli Colli, so let
me just ask this: does everyone who has degrees in medicine and anthropology get naked
as often as the character of Lori Ridgeway? If so, I'm enrolling in a dual-degree program as
soon as possible.
Score: 2
| Nobody’s satisfied when they experience premature autopsilation. |
| In what era was it okay to have a bedroom set this hideous? |
Token Scientist: My oh my, there be scientists-a-plenty in Zombie Holocaust, from the
crabby Dr. Dreylock to the joyful anthropologist known only as "Professor". Nevertheless,
the film's token scientist is of course Dr. Obrero, "Dr. Butcher M.D." himself. Dr. Obrero is
everything you want in zombie movie token scientist: he has delusions of grandeur, he can
pilot a boat, he performs medical operations on people without the use of anesthetic (for
himself, or for them), he knows how to use a fire-arm, he wears gigantic glasses, he has a
loyal henchman of nebulous ethnic origin, and he has a bizarre, incomprehensible plan
that will make him famous just as soon as he works all the bugs out (in this case, he wants
to end death by putting people's brains into different bodies). My only real regret is that Dr.
Obrero didn't get more screen time in Zombie Holocaust, because I could have learned a
lot from his wit and wisdom. Like, for example, when he says "I could easily kill you now,
but I'm determined to have your brain!" That's strategic genius!
Score: 4
Token Fat Guy: The majority of the characters in this film are nubile medical professionals,
gritty policemen, or fit-and-trim cannibals (I've always wondered what it is about human
flesh that makes cannibals so thin). As such, the only real candidate for Zombie
Holocaust's token fat guy is a big fat corpse that gets its hand sawed off in the film's
opening scene. You would think that such a thing would generate a low score in this
category, but the thing is, even though the corpse just lays there, it's still pretty fat, and that's
all we really ask for in this category.
Score: 3
crabby Dr. Dreylock to the joyful anthropologist known only as "Professor". Nevertheless,
the film's token scientist is of course Dr. Obrero, "Dr. Butcher M.D." himself. Dr. Obrero is
everything you want in zombie movie token scientist: he has delusions of grandeur, he can
pilot a boat, he performs medical operations on people without the use of anesthetic (for
himself, or for them), he knows how to use a fire-arm, he wears gigantic glasses, he has a
loyal henchman of nebulous ethnic origin, and he has a bizarre, incomprehensible plan
that will make him famous just as soon as he works all the bugs out (in this case, he wants
to end death by putting people's brains into different bodies). My only real regret is that Dr.
Obrero didn't get more screen time in Zombie Holocaust, because I could have learned a
lot from his wit and wisdom. Like, for example, when he says "I could easily kill you now,
but I'm determined to have your brain!" That's strategic genius!
Score: 4
Token Fat Guy: The majority of the characters in this film are nubile medical professionals,
gritty policemen, or fit-and-trim cannibals (I've always wondered what it is about human
flesh that makes cannibals so thin). As such, the only real candidate for Zombie
Holocaust's token fat guy is a big fat corpse that gets its hand sawed off in the film's
opening scene. You would think that such a thing would generate a low score in this
category, but the thing is, even though the corpse just lays there, it's still pretty fat, and that's
all we really ask for in this category.
Score: 3
| Is that Mia Farrow? I'm seriously asking. |
| This donkey is perhaps the best actor in the film's entire cast. |
Intangibles: While Zombie Holocaust is, at times, entertaining, I'm still left wondering: what
does any of the cannibal/Dr. Obrero stuff on Kito have to do with any of the body-part-theft
stuff in New York from the first part of this movie? It was almost like the film's producers
said, "Okay, we've got the sets from Zombi 2, and we've got some stock footage of New
York City...let's shoot a zombie picture, but, uh, throw some cannibals in there for good
measure." Furthermore, why does a movie with the word "zombie" in its title feature almost
no zombies whatsoever? To put it another way: few zombies, no holocaust...what the shit?
Score: 2
Zombie Believability: As there are approximately 5 zombies onscreen for a total of about 3
minutes in Zombie Holocaust, it's kind of hard to determine if they're believable or not. They
have human bodies and skull-looking heads and that's about all I can say about them.
Score: 2
Zombie Attack Scenes: While there are numerous cannibal attack scenes in this "zombie"
movie, there's really only one zombie attack scene, when a zombie goes after Detective
Chandler and Dr. Ridgeway on the beach. But, this hardly qualifies, considering that
Detective Chandler ends the zombie threat in about 5 seconds with an outboard motor to
the head (the zombie's, not his own). The rest of the time, whenever a zombie is in this film,
it just kind of stands around grunting. Nevertheless, I will award an extra point here,
because whenever the cannibals see these zombies they become terrified and run away,
which indicates, to me at least, that at some point in the past, these zombies kicked some
serious cannibal ass. I wish they had made that movie instead of this one.
Score: 2
Zombie "Orgy" Scenes: While there are no zombie orgy scenes in Zombie Holocaust,
there is at the very least a cannibal orgy scene which is perhaps gorier than your average
zombie orgy scene. That's got to count for something.
Score: 2
Anti-Zombie Weaponry: The weapons used in Zombie Holocaust to counteract the living
dead menace include the aforementioned outboard motor, fire, cannibals, and machetes.
Additionally, seeing as how there aren't many zombies on-hand, I would say that Zombie
Holocaust is in and of itself a rather effective anti-zombie weapon. How very postmodern.
Score: 2
Zombification Explanation: There are zombies in this movie thanks to the pioneering work
of Dr. Obrero, who has been moving brains back and forth between various bodies in an
effort to unnaturally extend life. Apparently, he considers this to be science. Who am I to
argue?
Score: 3
does any of the cannibal/Dr. Obrero stuff on Kito have to do with any of the body-part-theft
stuff in New York from the first part of this movie? It was almost like the film's producers
said, "Okay, we've got the sets from Zombi 2, and we've got some stock footage of New
York City...let's shoot a zombie picture, but, uh, throw some cannibals in there for good
measure." Furthermore, why does a movie with the word "zombie" in its title feature almost
no zombies whatsoever? To put it another way: few zombies, no holocaust...what the shit?
Score: 2
Zombie Believability: As there are approximately 5 zombies onscreen for a total of about 3
minutes in Zombie Holocaust, it's kind of hard to determine if they're believable or not. They
have human bodies and skull-looking heads and that's about all I can say about them.
Score: 2
Zombie Attack Scenes: While there are numerous cannibal attack scenes in this "zombie"
movie, there's really only one zombie attack scene, when a zombie goes after Detective
Chandler and Dr. Ridgeway on the beach. But, this hardly qualifies, considering that
Detective Chandler ends the zombie threat in about 5 seconds with an outboard motor to
the head (the zombie's, not his own). The rest of the time, whenever a zombie is in this film,
it just kind of stands around grunting. Nevertheless, I will award an extra point here,
because whenever the cannibals see these zombies they become terrified and run away,
which indicates, to me at least, that at some point in the past, these zombies kicked some
serious cannibal ass. I wish they had made that movie instead of this one.
Score: 2
Zombie "Orgy" Scenes: While there are no zombie orgy scenes in Zombie Holocaust,
there is at the very least a cannibal orgy scene which is perhaps gorier than your average
zombie orgy scene. That's got to count for something.
Score: 2
Anti-Zombie Weaponry: The weapons used in Zombie Holocaust to counteract the living
dead menace include the aforementioned outboard motor, fire, cannibals, and machetes.
Additionally, seeing as how there aren't many zombies on-hand, I would say that Zombie
Holocaust is in and of itself a rather effective anti-zombie weapon. How very postmodern.
Score: 2
Zombification Explanation: There are zombies in this movie thanks to the pioneering work
of Dr. Obrero, who has been moving brains back and forth between various bodies in an
effort to unnaturally extend life. Apparently, he considers this to be science. Who am I to
argue?
Score: 3
Zombie Uniqueness: Say what you will about their scarcity (and I have), the undead in
Zombie Holocaust are at least slightly unique (I mean, above and beyond the fact that they
don't show up until 49 minutes into the film). They follow orders to a 't', they don't kill people,
and one of them brandishes a knife. So I guess we could say that the zombies in this
movie are more like humans than Rambo is. That's kind of disturbing, when you think
about it.
Score: 2
Zombie Consistency: The only thing consistent about the (few) zombies in this film is their
inconsistency: while some of them just kind of stand around with a slack-jawed look, others
move quickly--especially when they get lit on fire. Interesting. But not really.
Score: 1
Signature Zombie: Once again: there are hardly any zombies in Zombie Holocaust. As
such, it's hard to pick a signature zombie. I guess we'll just go with the first one who shows
up, because punctuality counts, dammit. Alas, the first zombie who shows up isn't
particularly memorable, so there's not really anything else to say here.
Score: 1
Zombie Holocaust are at least slightly unique (I mean, above and beyond the fact that they
don't show up until 49 minutes into the film). They follow orders to a 't', they don't kill people,
and one of them brandishes a knife. So I guess we could say that the zombies in this
movie are more like humans than Rambo is. That's kind of disturbing, when you think
about it.
Score: 2
Zombie Consistency: The only thing consistent about the (few) zombies in this film is their
inconsistency: while some of them just kind of stand around with a slack-jawed look, others
move quickly--especially when they get lit on fire. Interesting. But not really.
Score: 1
Signature Zombie: Once again: there are hardly any zombies in Zombie Holocaust. As
such, it's hard to pick a signature zombie. I guess we'll just go with the first one who shows
up, because punctuality counts, dammit. Alas, the first zombie who shows up isn't
particularly memorable, so there's not really anything else to say here.
Score: 1
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Final Scene: After escaping from the clutches of Dr. Obrero, the characters of Peter and
Lori, the only survivors of the ill-fated, ill-advised, and all-around ill expedition to Kito stand
around and watch Dr. Obrero's lab-type-building burn to the ground. The weird thing about
this scene (aside from the fact that it doesn't really resolve ANYTHING from the preceding
80 minutes) is that the building in question looks a lot like the building featured during the
climactic sequence in Zombi 2, and, as indicated earlier, apparently both movies were shot
on the same sets. But, didn't the building in Zombi 2 also get burned down? So where did
this building come from? It's not like the footage of the building burning is the
same--Zombi 2's finale takes place during the night, whereas the final scene in Zombie
Holocaust occurs in broad daylight. Could it be that in addition to his nefarious
zombie-related schemes, Dr. Obrero also invented some sort of building-duplication
raygun? I don't want to jump to any conclusions, but I'm pretty sure that the answer to this
question is a resounding "yes".
Score: 2
Comedy: During an autopsy near the beginning of the film, one of the students observing
the procedure makes an attempt at a joke; this joke offends the man in charge, Dr.
Dreylock, and he ends the autopsy and throws everyone out of the operating room. And
that, friends, is pretty much it for comedy in this movie. If you ask me, Dr. Dreylock needs to
lighten the fuck up.
Score: 1
Lori, the only survivors of the ill-fated, ill-advised, and all-around ill expedition to Kito stand
around and watch Dr. Obrero's lab-type-building burn to the ground. The weird thing about
this scene (aside from the fact that it doesn't really resolve ANYTHING from the preceding
80 minutes) is that the building in question looks a lot like the building featured during the
climactic sequence in Zombi 2, and, as indicated earlier, apparently both movies were shot
on the same sets. But, didn't the building in Zombi 2 also get burned down? So where did
this building come from? It's not like the footage of the building burning is the
same--Zombi 2's finale takes place during the night, whereas the final scene in Zombie
Holocaust occurs in broad daylight. Could it be that in addition to his nefarious
zombie-related schemes, Dr. Obrero also invented some sort of building-duplication
raygun? I don't want to jump to any conclusions, but I'm pretty sure that the answer to this
question is a resounding "yes".
Score: 2
Comedy: During an autopsy near the beginning of the film, one of the students observing
the procedure makes an attempt at a joke; this joke offends the man in charge, Dr.
Dreylock, and he ends the autopsy and throws everyone out of the operating room. And
that, friends, is pretty much it for comedy in this movie. If you ask me, Dr. Dreylock needs to
lighten the fuck up.
Score: 1
Best Line: Zombie Holocaust is a veritable smorgasbord of memorable dialogue, with
lines ranging from the educational ("The stomach is a bag-like enlargement of the
alimentary canal"--I had no idea!), to the confusing ("Frankly, I don't understand. Why,
something like this would make sense in a society of primitive savages, but today in New
York City?"--what would make sense in a "society of primitive savages"--body parts being
sawed off of corpses in morgues?), to the whimsical ("He's one of our top anthropologists,
and we were all waiting for him to win the Nobel Prize"--uh, sweetie, there isn't a Nobel
Prize for Anthropology, but thanks for showing up anyways).
Those lines aside, I'm tempted to give to 'best line' crown to Dr. Obrero (a man who, as
noted previously, is as wise as he is evil) for this gem: "Calm down, Miss Ridgeway. If the
natives had wanted to do you any harm, they could easily have done so." To give you a little
context, Dr. Obrero says this to Lori after she finds a maggot-infested severed head in her
bed. You can practically feel the gratitude radiating from Lori as she realizes that such a
thing really isn't such a big deal after all.
Ultimately though, I think that Dr. Peter Chandler has the best line, as he shows that he can
be decisive and comforting at the same time when he says "As long as you stay close to us
you're safe. Now bury your friend and be quick about it." What a nice guy!
Score: 5
lines ranging from the educational ("The stomach is a bag-like enlargement of the
alimentary canal"--I had no idea!), to the confusing ("Frankly, I don't understand. Why,
something like this would make sense in a society of primitive savages, but today in New
York City?"--what would make sense in a "society of primitive savages"--body parts being
sawed off of corpses in morgues?), to the whimsical ("He's one of our top anthropologists,
and we were all waiting for him to win the Nobel Prize"--uh, sweetie, there isn't a Nobel
Prize for Anthropology, but thanks for showing up anyways).
Those lines aside, I'm tempted to give to 'best line' crown to Dr. Obrero (a man who, as
noted previously, is as wise as he is evil) for this gem: "Calm down, Miss Ridgeway. If the
natives had wanted to do you any harm, they could easily have done so." To give you a little
context, Dr. Obrero says this to Lori after she finds a maggot-infested severed head in her
bed. You can practically feel the gratitude radiating from Lori as she realizes that such a
thing really isn't such a big deal after all.
Ultimately though, I think that Dr. Peter Chandler has the best line, as he shows that he can
be decisive and comforting at the same time when he says "As long as you stay close to us
you're safe. Now bury your friend and be quick about it." What a nice guy!
Score: 5
Special Effects: Zombie Holocaust commits an effects error so grievous, so shockingly
bad, that the film could have also featured stunning footage of Godzilla piloting the
Millennium Falcon through an exploding star rendered in the most realistic CGI ever
created and it still wouldn't have been enough to compensate for the awfulness of its
special effects fuck up. As words (especially not words from me) cannot do this sequence
justice, I have posted screencaps illustrating each portion of this awful "effect."
It all begins when a hospital orderly is caught trying to eat a heart recently cut out of a
cadaver. After being apprehended, the orderly decides that suicide is perhaps his best
option. Being weaponless, he does what anyone would do--he hurls himself through a
window:
bad, that the film could have also featured stunning footage of Godzilla piloting the
Millennium Falcon through an exploding star rendered in the most realistic CGI ever
created and it still wouldn't have been enough to compensate for the awfulness of its
special effects fuck up. As words (especially not words from me) cannot do this sequence
justice, I have posted screencaps illustrating each portion of this awful "effect."
It all begins when a hospital orderly is caught trying to eat a heart recently cut out of a
cadaver. After being apprehended, the orderly decides that suicide is perhaps his best
option. Being weaponless, he does what anyone would do--he hurls himself through a
window:
So far so good. Next, we're treated to a shot of the orderly falling to his doom:
That's obviously a mannequin, but so what? Lots of movies utilize mannequins (like, for
example, that movie, Mannequin)--it's not a big deal. No, the problem occurs when the
mannequin hits the ground and its arm snaps off and goes hurtling away from its torso at
about one-thousand miles an hour.:
example, that movie, Mannequin)--it's not a big deal. No, the problem occurs when the
mannequin hits the ground and its arm snaps off and goes hurtling away from its torso at
about one-thousand miles an hour.:
I know that picture is small, but trust me, in the film itself, it would take serious effort and/or
blindness to not see it happen. Rather than paying attention to this and, you know, editing it
out of the film, the powers-that-be at Zombie Holocaust Inc. decided to leave this
arm-snapping footage in the film. Still, as cheap and obvious as the arm-snapping is, it
might have added to the overall gruesomeness of the suicide sequence, were it not for the
fact that immediately after showing the mannequin's arm break off, the film cuts to this shot
of the orderly, once again played by a human being, laying on the ground with both of his
arms intact:
blindness to not see it happen. Rather than paying attention to this and, you know, editing it
out of the film, the powers-that-be at Zombie Holocaust Inc. decided to leave this
arm-snapping footage in the film. Still, as cheap and obvious as the arm-snapping is, it
might have added to the overall gruesomeness of the suicide sequence, were it not for the
fact that immediately after showing the mannequin's arm break off, the film cuts to this shot
of the orderly, once again played by a human being, laying on the ground with both of his
arms intact:
In other words, the trained professionals who were getting paid to work on Zombie
Holocaust clearly had better things to do with their time than to actually put a little bit of effort
into their craft. What a bunch of douche bags. All of that being said, I guess there is a silver
lining to all of this: if anyone involved with the making of Zombie Holocaust ever runs afoul
of the law and is sentenced to community service, s/he could reasonably argue in court that
part of the sentence has already been fulfilled through participation in a public service
announcement entitled Special Effects: What Not To Do and How Not To Do Them.
Score: 1 (Although a score of -193029 would be more appropriate.)
Makeup: There are a bunch of cannibals in this movie, and there are a few zombies, and
it's pretty hard to tell them apart because both groups appear to just be regular people who
are covered in varying amounts of mud and/or white chalk. So, I guess the point is that the
while the makeup in Zombie Holocaust isn't very good, it's at least better than the special
effects. Although, I guess that's not saying much.
Score: 1
Scariness: Rather than feature actual "scares", Zombie Holocaust, numerous times,
utilizes a piece of music and a "scary" sound effect combined with a camera zoom to
indicate that something is supposed to be scary, or, at the very least, slightly ominous.
That's all well and good, except of course when it's used on a piece of raw meat sitting in
the character of Lori's refrigerator. Is it human flesh in her fridge? Nope. Is it "evil" meat
that will eventually prove crucial to the film's plot? Negative. Is it spoiled meat, perhaps?
That would be a no. It's just a piece of meat in a lady's refrigerator. Why it was singled out
for the scary sound/zoom treatment, I have no idea, but I guess it makes sense, as meat in
a fridge is about as scary as anything else in Zombie Holocaust. I should point out, though,
that the mad Dr. Obrero's lab features a "hall of corpses" in which several cadavers are
hung which is pretty damn creepy when you consider that it isn't air conditioned and it's
located on a tropical island. Yikes.
Score: 1
Holocaust clearly had better things to do with their time than to actually put a little bit of effort
into their craft. What a bunch of douche bags. All of that being said, I guess there is a silver
lining to all of this: if anyone involved with the making of Zombie Holocaust ever runs afoul
of the law and is sentenced to community service, s/he could reasonably argue in court that
part of the sentence has already been fulfilled through participation in a public service
announcement entitled Special Effects: What Not To Do and How Not To Do Them.
Score: 1 (Although a score of -193029 would be more appropriate.)
Makeup: There are a bunch of cannibals in this movie, and there are a few zombies, and
it's pretty hard to tell them apart because both groups appear to just be regular people who
are covered in varying amounts of mud and/or white chalk. So, I guess the point is that the
while the makeup in Zombie Holocaust isn't very good, it's at least better than the special
effects. Although, I guess that's not saying much.
Score: 1
Scariness: Rather than feature actual "scares", Zombie Holocaust, numerous times,
utilizes a piece of music and a "scary" sound effect combined with a camera zoom to
indicate that something is supposed to be scary, or, at the very least, slightly ominous.
That's all well and good, except of course when it's used on a piece of raw meat sitting in
the character of Lori's refrigerator. Is it human flesh in her fridge? Nope. Is it "evil" meat
that will eventually prove crucial to the film's plot? Negative. Is it spoiled meat, perhaps?
That would be a no. It's just a piece of meat in a lady's refrigerator. Why it was singled out
for the scary sound/zoom treatment, I have no idea, but I guess it makes sense, as meat in
a fridge is about as scary as anything else in Zombie Holocaust. I should point out, though,
that the mad Dr. Obrero's lab features a "hall of corpses" in which several cadavers are
hung which is pretty damn creepy when you consider that it isn't air conditioned and it's
located on a tropical island. Yikes.
Score: 1
Originality: Let's give Zombie Holocaust credit where credit is due: if nothing else, it bravely
tries to cash-in on not one, but two different types of exploitation cinema fads from the late
70s/early 80s: the zombie movie and the cannibal movie. Who cares if it doesn't live up to
the relatively low standards of either genre? Not me.
Score: 2
Rewatchability: Zombie Holocaust, despite its numerous shortcomings, isn't really hard to
sit through--it moves along at a brisk pace and features enough action and gore to distract
you from the baffling plot and broken mannequins. As such, viewing it multiple times is not
out of the question, with the exception of the scene in which the cannibals stand around
inexplicably yelling a word that sounds like "makani" for approximately five minutes straight.
I wouldn't wish the viewing of that awful, tedious scene on my worst enemy. Because that's
kind of a wussy punishment, right?
Score: 3
Datedness: Zombie Holocaust suffers badly in this category, for two main reasons: (1) it
was made in a time where men could wear knee-high boots in public without getting their
asses kicked, and (2) it was made in a time when describing someone's appearance as
"Asiatic" was apparently acceptable. As we all know: tall boots on men + thinly veiled
racism = the past.
Score: 2
tries to cash-in on not one, but two different types of exploitation cinema fads from the late
70s/early 80s: the zombie movie and the cannibal movie. Who cares if it doesn't live up to
the relatively low standards of either genre? Not me.
Score: 2
Rewatchability: Zombie Holocaust, despite its numerous shortcomings, isn't really hard to
sit through--it moves along at a brisk pace and features enough action and gore to distract
you from the baffling plot and broken mannequins. As such, viewing it multiple times is not
out of the question, with the exception of the scene in which the cannibals stand around
inexplicably yelling a word that sounds like "makani" for approximately five minutes straight.
I wouldn't wish the viewing of that awful, tedious scene on my worst enemy. Because that's
kind of a wussy punishment, right?
Score: 3
Datedness: Zombie Holocaust suffers badly in this category, for two main reasons: (1) it
was made in a time where men could wear knee-high boots in public without getting their
asses kicked, and (2) it was made in a time when describing someone's appearance as
"Asiatic" was apparently acceptable. As we all know: tall boots on men + thinly veiled
racism = the past.
Score: 2
Overall Cast: I'll say this for the cast of Zombie Holocaust: they all have really nice hair.
Even the cannibals. If only their acting had the body and sheen of their lovely locks...
Score: 2
Even the cannibals. If only their acting had the body and sheen of their lovely locks...
Score: 2
| I think I speak for everyone here when I say, EWWW! |
| Dr. Obrero says: don't let the bedbugs bite! |
| If we can't even agree on a spelling for "zombie", what hope is there? |
| Zombie Holocaust's first zombie, arriving at the 49-minute mark. Thanks for showing up! |
Total Points: 64
Verdict: There are lots of things wrong with Zombie Holocaust: it's actors can't act, it has
an incomprehensible plot, it hardly has any zombies in it at all, there are multiple spellings
of the word "zombie" in the film and on its promotional materials to confuse the viewer...the
list goes on and on. And yet, for all of its faults, I actually kind of like Zombie Holocaust. If
nothing else, its sets subconsciously make you think of Zombi 2, a much, much better
zombie movie, which is nice. But more importantly, sure, the movie's a piece of shit, but it's
a piece of shit with gusto. Zombie Holocaust should serve as a lesson for other zombie
movies: if you're going to suck, try to suck with a little panache.
Next Time: Plaga Zombie: Mutant Zone
Verdict: There are lots of things wrong with Zombie Holocaust: it's actors can't act, it has
an incomprehensible plot, it hardly has any zombies in it at all, there are multiple spellings
of the word "zombie" in the film and on its promotional materials to confuse the viewer...the
list goes on and on. And yet, for all of its faults, I actually kind of like Zombie Holocaust. If
nothing else, its sets subconsciously make you think of Zombi 2, a much, much better
zombie movie, which is nice. But more importantly, sure, the movie's a piece of shit, but it's
a piece of shit with gusto. Zombie Holocaust should serve as a lesson for other zombie
movies: if you're going to suck, try to suck with a little panache.
Next Time: Plaga Zombie: Mutant Zone